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I found a box of things that I was gonna ship to my former lover in California. It was piled under other things and caked up in dust. I exhaled my breath and the particles waft through the air causing me to cough and sneeze. I search through the items; a bag of marshmallows now fossilized as a rock, several hard candies, unopened travel size bottles of lotion, a bottle of supplement pills that she had sent me and I was planning to send back, a small leather bag filled with guitar picks and a hand written note by me.

I wonder why I never sent this care package. I kept thinking there were more space in the box and that I'd fill it up before sending it. I realized then that I was an incomplete lover. In those early years/months I never really loved you the way you loved me. I took it for granted, I suppose that's just a by product of an LDR and I never really haven't experienced that before. The note inside wasn't even heartfelt to be honest. It just says: "I hope you enjoy these things. I love you". I was never good at writing cards anyways. I'm sorry.

I only started to love you when I knew I was losing you. Because I was afraid of losing you. And ultimately I did lose you. I'm sorry for being imperfect, for being human. I'm sorry for all the pain that my foolishness caused. I know its been like three years already. Though I suppose I've never really gotten over any of my breakups. The wounds they leave I carry with me, I never really get over it. I just learn to live without you now. I suppose that makes me wiser as I safeguard myself more.

Thank you for at least trying to love me.

-A.A.M