*Sighs* I want to die- I want to just slit my wrists open and and cry myself to death... I can't get anywhere with my life and because of my personality, I probably never will... I'm so hopeless and helpless... I'm so incredibly pathetic...
My ex gf blows me off on my 18th birthday... I really don't even want my bf to go... I wanted her to go above anyone else... And she can't... And she probably wouldn't want to anyway... Or at least it seems that way... My birthday's in 3 days... And she started getting all pissy with me... She said she if she was going to go to the city, she wanted to get shopping done rather than paying to go to my b-day party which would make anyone think "well screw you too" right? but it turns out her grandfather wouldn't give her the money to go and she got all pissy with me... So I don't think she really wants to go... So now my bf is going and... She's not... I've wanted to take her since we were going out... and now she's not going to go the one time I want her too... I dunno... maybe she does want to... but rguardless... *ears down* I wanted her to... I wanted her to be there... Instead of my bf... And there's nothing against him... I want him to go too... I just want her to go more... *curls up*
And so I've figured out that I'll never be happy, either... Because everyone I want or love I just can't have... My current bf isn't so bad but there's just not a whole lot of love coming from my side of the relationship... With my ex gf, I want her back but it can't happen because she's too torn between about 3 or 4 other people and can't even choose who -she- wants to be with... Not to mention her very protective friend... or... admirer... Then there's this other guy but... well.. after our last relationship, that'll never happen... Then there's this other guy here on Gaia that I've had a crush on... but the distance... I've done it before... many times... but I don't think I could do it again... And not to someone I like so much... And want to see so bad... No... I couldn't...
So basically... my life's a hell, I'm perminantly depressed and I'm pretty much legal...
HAPPY ******** BIRTHDAY
 Arius Shadow · Sat Nov 18, 2006 @ 04:26pm · 1 Comments |
