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Before yesterday, I had written the longest post of my journal but Gaia decided to be a b***h and didn't post it. All my efforts put in for nothing!!! mad This is one of the reasons I wanted to quit Gaia... Yeah, so I'm gonna write a brief summary of what I had talked about in my post but take off the really personal and emotional stuffs. Here goes nothing!

I had felt a hole in my life that made it incomplete, I know why I feel this now. I need to go back to India, my life would be completed if so. Only I'll have to wait 2 summers before going since I have to finish my cegep studies. I'll go there for 2 months probably and with my father, I'll visit all of India, eat the wonderful food again, also learn hindi and/or tamil. Maybe I might find my true love over there too... So I won't travel anywhere else in the meantime, even if I'm tempted to go to France with my sister and her boyfriend.
My feelings are presently kinda unstable, I think that I still like C even if I've told my friends that I'm over him. Though they don't believe me and they're right, but it pisses me off because it's never going to work between us. He loves his girlfriend so freaking much. You should see how he looks at her, I would die to be looked like that by him. When they kiss, it makes me want to puke. Oh yeah, I'm the person that's willingly going to break a couple apart by walking right in the middle of them. Yes, I'm a cruel b*****d and I am well aware of it. Yipee, Valentine's day is coming! Then it's gonna be spring, the supposed season of love but it's actually the season of mating. Whatever you people call it! Of course, my school is doing something special and it's gonna driving me nuts. A friend told me that I lacked of affection. neutral Unfortunately, he's totally right but I'm not desperate at all. I'm just sad that I can never have what I desire. Well, I'm gonna have to get over it because there's a whole world for me to explore and I'll definetely find a better guy than C. Anyway, I have never liked guys of C's type. I think that if he had never talked to me, I wouldn't have developped these stupid feelings for him. At least, I get to be his friend and he's a great guy. A jewish, vegetarian, environment keeper, scientifif, artistic, wise guy. heart Gimme 3 months and I'll totally be over him for good.

I've been so tired since school started, sleeping as I got home after dinner, not being able to do my homeworks, or I would fall asleep on them. I have spent less time on the computer since I want to work more this semester to have a great R-score for university. Only I feel more exhausted lately, maybe it's because I wake up early for my Principles of Drama class. I only took that class to be with my favorite teacher, Garaway. That man is my idol and I need to know more about him for I won't have him again next year. crying I should take lattes or such, but I don't want to waste my money. I guess that I'm stresed out, after only 3 weeks of school. There's lots of readings and projects in the program Liberal Arts. Plus this semester, we're dealing with stuffs from the medieval period and a bit of the renaissance period. Only I ******** hate medieval times and we keep talking about christiniaty in Humanities, History & Art History. I'm going ******** crazy with all this christiniaty!!! I have lost my faith in that religion since I came to Canada, actually even before that. The only reason that I went to church was to spend time with my father and see some friends at church. I didn't really care much and now I've become an agnostic so I'll only believe in God and all when I see it with my own eyes... thus when I die. Actually, I was considering to get more involved in hinduism since my roots are from the country the religion came from. So DL, you can forget about trying to evangelize me. domokun
I'm in a dilemna presently with my friends. I know that it's really stupid and that you might consider this as peer pressure or just plain stupidity. Let's start with the fact that I have 2 groups of friends in my program. So there's the cool kids and there's the weirdos. I was first approached by the cool kids and I approached the weirdos after I had gotten some confidence that I could make friends in this school filled of rich kids. First of all, my cegep Marianopolis is private and has a different atmosphere from other cegeps. More than half the students are asians while the rest are from european origins and there's a few Afro-Americans kids. OMG, funny fact, there is not a single black person in the Hip Hop club which just cracked me up. I was thinking of joining, but I'll stick to Swing Dance that I'm not bad at. Anyway, let's come back to my friends. Thanks to the cool kids, I met more people and got more friends. The problem is that I kinda feel not at my place with them. They all went to private uniform schools, except me. Also, they're super rich and don't need a job to survive unlike me. They all wear clothes from trendy stores like American Eagle Outfitters and wear marks like Lacoste. They have parties at restaurants/clubs for their birthdays, they don't pay for their cellphone bills, they always travel during vacations, they live in rich neighborhoods, they have laptops... Basically, all the opposite of me and I don't understand how I could fit in this decor. Yeah so the cool kids say that the weirdos are crazy and they're such hypocrites with them. They tell me not to hangout with them because they're smokers, they're always late to class and always do their projects at the last minute. They're right, but they're great people and they always cheer me up. They're able to see when I'm unhappy and this friday proves it, but I'll talk about that later on. I had a Swing Dance show and asked all my friends to come, none of my friends came except one of the weirdos. It was super cold and she came in her mini-skirt just to see me, you don't know how happy I was. She said that she'd bring all the weirdos at my next show which will be in april. whee During the winter holidays, none of the cool kids called me to do something, but one of the weirdos kept calling me to parties but I couldn't make it. Though I did go ice skating with them at Le Atrium and it was such fun! Only, I've created a distance between them and me since school started... well the cool kids have also pulled me away from them. But this time, I won't let them do it and I'm going to spend more time with the weirdos because I feel more alive with them since they actually involve me in their conversations and I don't need to butt in to be remarked. Sure I did some crazy things with them, but it was great. xd This friday was a horrible day since I woke up at 10am and my class was in 15 minutes, plus I didn't do my project due for humanities that I missed. I got at school at 12pm and got yelled by a friend who told me to go to the museum before the teacher arrived to have a look at the paintings for the art history descriptive essay. A friend X that always text messages me to know where I am didn't send me a single text that day while a weirdo called me to ask me if I did the project and told me to cheer, maybe we'd meet at the museum. So X was to busy talking to this guy (new bff) while I was eating not far, I had said that I was eating and leaving for the museum. I left them and went to see my yelling friend when this guy showed up asking if someone wanted a lift. My yelling friend said that she was waiting for someone and pushed me to go with him, even do she has a major crush on him. At the museum, I had waited for the guy and we were going up the stairs when we saw C, but didn't wait for him and thank goodness! I was in an awful mood and the paintings about Christ and all, just made me want to barf. My friend X showed up and was really pissed that I left without saying so since she was waiting for me. I told her clearly that I was leaving after eating and I got a lift too. I really don't give a ******** that she was that upsetted since she barely talked to me when I was next to her. The weirdo that called me, surprised me and asked if I was alright, I lied of course and I said I was ok. After a while, I left since I had to go pick up a friend at work to watch a movie later. I bumped into an other weirdo when I was exiting the museum. He noticed that I wasn't my usual self and told me to cheer up, also to have a nice weekend. This made me think a lot and I've wondered why I've created a distance between the weirdos and me, it was incredibly stupid. After all, I'm a total weirdo myself! dramallama heart
Well, I'm going to end this post soon because I have class tomorrow early with my favorite teacher! Omg, I love my mother even if she's very annoying sometimes. I'm happy that she always thinks of me and buys stuffs I like or want. ninja heart
Btw, I want everyone to be aware of Product (RED) that is found at The Gap, 50% of every item of the product goes to Global Fund to help stop AIDS in Africa. It is a wonderful thing and I think that everyone should participate, even if you only buy a beaded pin. Thank you for supporting it! heart

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