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I have brought this to mind a many times...This Death...It mezmorizes me every time it seeps into the emptiness of my thoughts...taking me away from the present world and into a world of my own where only my thoughts exhist. When thinking of death, I wonder of god, jesus, christ, which ever holy name it is you choose to call him. They say this holy man, or spirit, is the great creator of us humans and animals, yet I must always stop to think and or wonder if what they say is true...Is this god really something that exists...or is he but a figment of imagination that we wish to believe...something that brings us hope of an after life. After life...A life after death, where your not really dead, nor are you alive. Some people are afraid of death, so they believe in this after life, to know that when their time comes, their life will not just end, and ciece of existence, but that they will mearly become of some elemnet that is unlisted, and continue to live in prosperity in the so called heavens above. There are many you are afraid to die...I am unsure of weather or not I am afraid to die...It is my choice on weather I die today, tomorrow or even the day after, and so on. I could freely walk up to a gun setting on a table with a vacant reason of being there, that is free to whom ever touches it. I could freely take the gun, put it to my head and pull the trigger with no thought of what is to come of me after that faitful blow to my head. I would not be afraid of the on coming death its self, but the pain and or what it is that will happen. Will I just ceice to exhist...or will I go on to heaven or hell, which ever it is I am destended to. It's not that I WANT to die...nor do I choose to die...But I want to know what will happen to me when I do die...but this is impossible...for no one knows what will happen. Not even the bible can tell you the true fate of one when he or she dies. Weather you go to heaven or hell, or just stop living and that is that. There is so much I want to know...that can not be explaned by book, an adult, or even a genius you knows almost every thing there is to know. I sometimes fear the thought of growing old. I sometimes wish to be immortal, so that I may be young forever and never have to face the reality of life...and death. I wonder, that if there is a god, if he turns me away from the pearly gates of heaven, what will I say to give a good reason to be let in, or will I except my fate and say that I just don't care any more? Will I beg of forgiveness, for what ever reason it might be, that I can not be let into heaven? Or if there IS no heaven, what will it be like, when I die? will I really ciece to exhist? I do not want to ciece to exhist...! I wish to live a long life. A long and healthy life.
I have never really gone to church, though I am christian. my family use to go to church befor I was born. Back when my older sisters were younger. As my family grew and I was born, we slowly stopped being the church going type. Now I go to church meetings with friends now and then. But that too has cieced...I wonder, that if there is a god, will he turn me away from the pearly gates, just because I did not go to church and praise him like the many other who devote their life to him, and pray to him? I want to know every thing there is to know about death before it comes, so that i may be ready for it. But reality denys me the information I wish of. ~We want to die, no, We choose to die. What does this mean...? It's like if a guy holds a gun to your head, you can choose not to scream when he pulls the trigger...~