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When people see me they see a girl with a pretty decent life
Not to perfect for anything suspicious
Not to effed up to worry
But beneath all the glamour
I feel like its only a lie
The smallest thing can send me into a spiraling tornado of despair
Only the sensual feeling of cold steel and sooth the pain
My dad found out and took my weapons away
But he didnt lock them up
No one knows I took them again
And that is why my parents are so blind
They only care about the outer appearance of everything
My mother the perfectionist
My father the over-protective, strict, military jailer
I dread coming home everyday because it doesnt feel like home
Only a prison
I dont like school because there are too many people
One slip up and people go into a frenzy of panic
I dont know what to do
Some days are good
Most others are bad
Luckily Im a pretty good actress most of the time and people dont see the pain
Other times, stress takes hold and I have to crumble
Before HE came into my life I only had the support of friends
The only family I truly loved
And I believe they love me bad
Now he does the same
But the voices keep whispering that just like my parents
They will abandon me soon too
And leave me alone in the darkness to wander alone forever
Most days now I hate falling asleep
Because 90% of the time I never want to wake up
Every other day I starve myself
Just so I can gorge myself later
Im too chicken to go bulimic
And to hungry to go anorectic
I dont tell anyone because its only my weight to bear
Am I fine?
I dont know anymore
All I know is
That I dug my grave
And soon I will die in it
The bad thing about is
I pray every night now
For the past to weeks
For my life to end
So I dont have to see:
The disapointment of my friends
HIS heartbreak
And my parents...
Well they have another kid
Its easy to brainwash her...