• Envy
    “Entity of such qualities I deserve
    Nothing of me is as preserved
    Vanquish these qualities, which should be mine
    Yearnings of others I will find” -Egoist


    I Love You


    Once upon a time, there was a small village by the sea. The houses were small, and to the west there was a lighthouse. This lighthouse was built alongside a cliff between a steep hill and another cliff that wound up to the village. The inhabitants of this little village lived a simple yet happy life. They would work from sunrise to sunset fishing, farming, or selling things in their town market.

    For years the small village never grew too large or experienced any great tragedy. It had been so many years in fact, that the inhabitants had almost forgotten sickness, poverty, or famine. If you were to ask one of the villagers if God had granted such a peaceful time, they would respond with a yes; God granted them both peace and an angel to watch over them.

    The angel that they spoke of would be the Tavern owner's daughter. Her name was Atina. Her blonde hair always sparkled when it would hit the sun in the peak of the afternoon, and her eyes were a beautiful brown. She was kinder than a saint and rarely did a wrong. Not once did she say a bad word about anyone, and every Sunday she was seen in church.

    Her best friend and younger sister was named Zilla. She was a kind soul, who helped anyone whenever she could. Her dirty blonde hair and sea blue eyes were nothing akin to her wit. It was decided a long time ago that she would take over her father's business, because always she would charge a fair price, and she was always good with costumers.

    Zilla always stood beside her sister. It was Zilla who Atina confided in, and Atina couldn't have been happier. Atina loved her sister with all her heart and Zilla could not say less. If one sister wasn't good at one subject, the other sister made it up. Being only a year apart and so attuned to each others way of thinking, many passersby wondered if they were twins instead of just sisters. Both girls were in essence as perfect as a human could achieve.

    One typical afternoon, when most of the visitors of the tavern were out about the town, the girls were doing their normal cleaning duties. Zilla was cleaning out the fireplace, and Atina cleaning the tables.

    “I do believe, my dear sister, that I have fallen in love with Don.”

    Zilla lifted her soot covered face to look at her sister. A wise, knowing smile spread across Zilla's face for she knew for a long time that Atina pined for the dark-haired, kind metalsmith's son. He was a handsome man, who, two years ago, helped Atina find her mother's heirloom she lost in his father's workshop. Ever since Zilla would see her sister look at a distance towards Don with a longing and shy look. When Zilla was walking with her, Zilla would see Don doing the same.

    “I think I will tell him my feelings after church this Sunday,” Atina continued as she picked up a plate and continued on her last table. “Can you give me advise as to,” Atina looked down at the floor and took a small delicate sigh, “what I should say to him? I know you've courted with Fertello, the merchant's son, while he and his family were still in town.”

    Zilla smiled at her older sister, knowing that her shyness was something that all girls their age had. “Of course my dear sister, but I do believe that you will not need my help. You are prettier than I am and you have a good heart. I am sure that with a little thought he would love you as soon as you told him your feelings. Remember Fertello fancied you before he ever considered me.”

    Atina laughed, “Yes but once I opened my mouth it was you he turned to, to speak of how the trade for bear fur has become more dangerous. My beauty is something I am proud to bear, but your wit is something that is even more beautiful.”

    The sisters laughed because this was a disagreement they both had occasionally. Atina believed that being wise meant you would have a good husband to take care of you. Zilla believed that it was the beauty and kindness that only her sister had that would guarantee a happy marriage. Then both were silent as the continued with their cleaning.

    “I will give you some advice, but I really think you have him, my sister.”

    “Thank you,” Said Atina with happiness.



    “Having a good day, Father?” Zilla asked as she stood by the front doors of the church.

    “The Lord's day is always a good day, my dear. Is there something you wished to know about from today's service?” The priest said turning around, “Or are you just looking for another book to read?”

    Zilla laughed, “No, not today, Father. I am waiting here for my sister to finish some business, but I will not pass you on that offer about a book.”

    “Ah, yes, follow me,” The priest turned and walked farther into the church. Zilla followed him into the church and waited at the front pew as he went into a small room.

    She loved the church so much. The quiet and tranquil hall always calmed her when she was feeling upset or lonely. She used to come here frequently when she realized that all the townsfolk looked at her sister as a gift from God. It was here that she broke down and asked God to let her be released from the envy that she felt. It was here that she finally stopped trying to be better than her sister. It was here that she was able to come to terms with herself.

    “Might I ask what you sister is doing on this beautiful day that you yourself are not?” The priest asked as he held out the old volume.

    Zilla jumped, “My goodness you scared me!” She reached out for the book and smiled, “She is doing something that she must do alone.”

    The priest smiled knowingly,“Ah, young love, it does make me happy that she is finding her place within God's great world.”

    “You always know what is happening, Father, even if I tell you something so vague.”

    “My job is to make sure the people that follow God's great plan, I must observe everyone under my direction in order to accomplish suck a task. I do not miss Atina's shy glances towards Don inside my church,” The priest smiled, “and I am quite sure you have not missed them as well.”

    Zilla laughed, bid the priest good day, and walked towards the place where she promised to meet her sister. She could not wait to hear the news that here sister would bring. She was almost sure that it would be good.



    Atina walked as fast as she possibly could to catch up to Don. She was held behind by the Lauderman's after service. By the time she was done talking to the farmers about her father's order on apples, Don and his family were already on their walk back to town. Currently she was hurrying to catch up to them.

    “Excuse me, Don! Could you wait a moment I would like to speak with you,” Atina spoke when she was within ear shot. Don turned, waved for his family to continue, and waited for Atina to catch up to him.

    “What do you need Ms. Atina?” Don asked with the kindness he was known for. Atina tried to slow her beating heart as she summed the courage to tell him what she had waited to tell him for two years, six months, and four days. As she formed the sentences in her head she remembered what her sister told her the other day.

    “Hold you head up and tell him what your heart has been telling you for so long.”

    “Don, we've known each other for a long, long time. I have waited for the right moment to tell you about my feelings for you since the day you found my mother's necklace. I love you, Don. I am hopelessly in love with you.”

    Atina took a deep breath and waited for his response. She saw before her him smiling back at him. She saw him telling her that he feels the same way. She saw him in the long future, possibly their future with wedding bells and children running around the workshop he inherited from his father. She saw...

    “I am so sorry Ms. Atina. Had I known you had cared for me for so long I would have set your mind at ease sooner. I cannot return your feelings, for there is someone I already find dear to me. I am sorry, but I cannot love you. You are beautiful, but you are not what I'm looking for. Though I have not told her yet, I would hope...”

    Atina did not hear the rest of what Don was telling her. All she remembered was saying goodbye to Don and walking to the place where she would meet her sister. He found someone else. And not only that he told her that her beauty was 'not what he was looking for,' but also he had denied her feelings. Never had she been denied. In anything she had asked for, she always received it. She loved him. Wouldn't it be fair for him to love her back? Was that too much to ask for?

    When Atina reached the place, she realized she was crying. She only realized this because her sister had come to her immediately with a worried expression and hugged her. Curse Zilla. Of course she could hear when her sibling's heart break into a million pieces. The perfect man did not want beauty, he wanted intelligence. He wanted someone like Zilla. Curse her sister all the more.

    “How about we head home instead of picking up the apples from the Orchard Farm today?” Zilla asked.

    “Yes, that would be fine.”



    It had been two days. Two long, lonely, desolate days since Atina was, in her opinion, so cruelly rejected. On the first day she cried. On the second she laid in bed, not wanting to do anything but just lay there. Today though, today she would show Don that his words hadn't affected her. Today she had to pick up an order of nails.

    “Good morning, Don,” Atina said as she entered the workshop.

    “Good morning, Ms. Atina,” Don replied with a smile. Goodness his smile was so beautiful. His lips were so perfectly shaped. Couldn't she just steal one little kiss from them? Oh that's right, he cared for someone else.

    “So how did it go with the lady?” Atina had to know. She had to know the vile woman who would take what was rightfully hers.

    “Ah, She is a little reluctant. I am trying though. How are you doing?”

    “I am fine,” Atina turned around, no longer able to keep up her false, cheery mood, “good day.”

    “Good day, Ms. Atina.” Atina couldn't get out the door faster. Not only did the little sprig of a girl take her man. She cared for him like he was just another man. The woman probably had a whole slew of men just waiting on her hand and foot. She probably—

    “Sister, is everything all right?” Atina looked up and realized that she was back in the
    tavern. She had held onto the crumpled package too tightly, some of the nails were poking though. One of them piercing her hand.

    Atina lifted her pressure on the parcel, “I am fine.”

    “No you are not! Look here, your bleeding!” Zilla rushed to her sister, took the parcel from her, and hurried her to her room where there were bandages. Atina sat on her sister's bed as Zilla pulled a chair and her small kit close to it. Zilla worked in silence as she tended to her sister's wound.

    “You talked to him I guess.”

    “Yes, he told me that someone else did not wish to care for him.”

    “Atina, I'm so sorry I didn't know that he would say that,” Zilla finished the bandage on her sister's hand and looked at her, “I didn't know he would reject you like that.”

    “How would you know, sister? How would you know that while I sit here and cry, the man that I love and want is being mistreated by a mistress?”

    “Do not say such horrible words, sister, he is just a man, I'm sure you will find another.”

    Atina leaned into her sister's bed, “I do not want another. Ever since the I first met him I know I wanted him.”

    Zilla mumbled, “You only want him because he has rejected you,” Then louder, “Now you say he is the only one, but wait, one day you will find a man better than him.”

    “That will not happen. It will never happen.”



    A few weeks had passed, and it seemed the more time passed the more Atina craved for Don. The more she craved, the more Zilla saw her sister become someone she didn't know. Atina rarely spoke to anyone. If she did it was with a glare. Zilla was worried about her sister. On occasion, her sister would go out around town. She would tell no one where she went. And when she came back she would be in a more fowl mood than before. Zilla would always worry.

    But not today. Today Zilla would know what her sister was up to when she would go out without telling anyone. Zilla worried for her sister. Ever since the conversation with her in her bedroom, Zilla had a nagging feeling.

    When Atina left, Zilla told her father that she was going out to buy more bread. The supply had run low and more was needed for tonight's dinner. It did not take long for Zilla to find her sister walking towards the east side of town. Once Zilla had gotten close enough to her so that she would not lose her, she followed Atina to the metalsmith's workshop. She hid behind a barrel of hay and waited to see what happened next.




    Atina did not enter the workshop. Like before, she went around to the side that was facing away from town. There was a pile of logs that was propped against the house. Above that was a little window. Carefully she climbed the logs, so she would be able to listen into the workshop. The fact that she still did not know who Don favored over her was nagging at her for so long. She found this window open by chance and since she found it she had been eavesdropping to find out who the little irritation might be. So far she had no luck. He only talked about her when one of his friends entered the shop. He never gave away her name, but the way he talked about her was sickening to Atina. Suddenly, the front door jingled open.

    “Good mornin', Don! How's things goin' with that secret girl o' yours.” Great it was Bastian. His father was the farmer outside of town. Being one of Don's friends he knew who the girl was. If only she had found the window sooner, then maybe she might have gotten a name.

    “She's agreed to see me tomorrow at sunset by the lighthouse,” Don laughed, “I think I have her, Bastian. After weeks of waiting and letters, I think I finally have her,” Atina hears the ruffling of parchment, “Well here's your order. Horseshoes good as new.”

    “Thank ye. And what 'bout that big order for that fancy man that came to town a couple days ago?”

    “Ah, those are almost done, Father's working on the last one right now. Well you have a nice day.” Atina heard the door shop bell jingle signaling Bastian's departure. So that was when Don would meet here. If she was there maybe she would finally see the horrible woman who stole him from her. But what if Don came early? No she would have to fix that. The order that he spoke about, She could say that the gentleman who ordered for it wanted another order. He didn't know how to get a hold of the workshop so he sent a message to the tavern.

    The more Atina thought about her plan the more she knew it would work. Finally, she would know that vile woman. Finally she would have the one thing she best wished for. Finally, she could tell that woman that Don was hers and she needed to disappear fast.



    As Zilla watched Atina walk away, she knew things had gone too far. She had to talk to Don. Atina had resorted to eavesdropping on him just to hear his voice. Zilla knew that the only way to fix this problem was to talk to the source of the problem. Zilla had to get to the bottom of this.



    The next afternoon Atina was ready. She had already talked to Don's father. He said it would take all day, and Don would have to help him, but he thought he could get it done. Atina's plan was working so perfectly. Oh so soon she would meet this mystery girl. She thought that, if she scared her away by telling her than as the Guardian Angel of the town she would be cursed if she followed her love path, then she would back off. Most of the town believed that she had powers from God anyways. From the day she was born the town was hit with nothing but good luck. It was such a perfect plan Even Zilla couldn't work up a better plan.

    Speaking of Zilla, Atina needed to apologize to her. For the passed few weeks she had been rude to her sister. She didn't even tell her about this plan. Surely with the help of her sister, Atina's plan would go off even better.

    Only an hour until sunset, Atina came down from her room. She was graceful to any onlooker. But there was something different about her to the normal group that was in the tavern at this time of night. Atina had a smirk on her face that was rather off putting, but no one really questioned the insignificant change.

    “Father, do you know where Zilla is?” Atina inquired as she walked up to him.

    “Yes, I had her go to the docks to get your mother some more fish, but she is running rather late,” Her father replied.

    “Very well. I'm going out to find her to see if she needs help.”

    “Thank you, my dearest daughter.”

    With that Atina was out of the tavern and on her way to the lighthouse. It was a shame that her sister would miss out on Atina's fun, but she had to be there on time. Quickly she hurried past the marketplace, past the small shops and stalls. She reached the path to the lighthouse when, suddenly, she saw her.

    It was the girl. The one that stole her beloved Don from her. She wore a pretty blue dress and a yellow hat. Something out of fashion for this time of year. Her back was turned from Atina, so she could not see her face, but she doubted she would be able to in the fading light. The girl was standing on the edge of the cliffs.

    Then Atina remembered her shameful rejection. She remembered how this woman took what rightfully belonged to Atina away from her, and then she grew angry. All the rage and hurt that Atina had held for weeks finally broke free. She knew right then and there, she didn't want to just scare the vile woman away from her perfect man. No, she wanted her to hurt. She wanted her to feel the all pain that she had to feel these past cruel weeks.

    In a rush of anger, Atina ran at the woman as fast as she possibly could. She no longer cared what would happen. Then and there she just wanted to push the woman down and beat every inch of her until Don absolutely could not bear the sight of her. And that's when it happened.

    The girl turned around just as Atina was less than a foot from her. All she was able to do was gasp. With a great force Atina pushed the girl so hard she lost her balance. The girl stumbled a little, and tripped on her dress. When Atina looked back up completely satisfied, she saw that the girl was no longer there. That's when Atina paled, and she ran to the edge of the cliff. There at the bottom of the cliff laid the girl. She did not move. Atina never saw death in her life, but she knew that with that type of fall the girl would have not survived. Atina did the only thing her mind thought she should do. Atina ran.

    She ran home, as fast as she could she ran home. Once in the tavern she ran to the top floor. She busted open her bedroom door and sat on her bed. She just killed someone. She just committed a deadly sin by killing someone. Obviously no one could trace it back to her. No one was there to see what happened and on top of that no one would believe the fact that the town angel would resort to murder. She looked at her night stand and saw a piece of paper laying there. Atina picked up the paper, opened the letter, and read its contents. Once she had, Atina paled even further and dropped the letter.

    Then and there she knew. She knew who she was so envious of. She knew who she called such horrible names the past few weeks. She knew the person who took her perfect man's heart. Atina, the daughter of the tavern owner, the most beautiful girl in the village, knew that her sister died tonight. The only thought going through her head was the last few sentences in her sister's letter: I am so sorry you had to find it out like this, sister. I am going to see him so I can let him give you another chance. I am so very sorry. Please forgive me and remember, I love you.