• CHAPTER 7: COMFORTING CHAGRIN



    I didn’t think it was possible to be warm from my fingertips to my toes and be freezing cold at the same time. I also didn’t think it was possible to be happier than I’d ever been and absolutely miserable in the same moment... Surprisingly, both were exceedingly so. Leo’s company sent warm fuzzy feelings through my entire body, but his icy cold embrace was like being submerged in a frozen lake… only not quite as unpleasant. His vampiric presence was like an instant sugar high… and the only crash was my soon to be ex-boyfriend.

    I sighed and leaned into Leo’s shoulder, the corners of my mouth turning down in a grimace. Jared was at my front door, ringing the bell and waiting, with absolutely no idea that I was going to break up with him. My one problem was proceeding with the breakup, but the only thing I wanted to do about it was stay with Leo until Jared went away. So, I did, and it didn’t do much except make me feel worse and worse.

    After a few minutes of attempting to ignore Jared’s consistent ringing, Leo spoke. His tone was slightly amused, but soft, and comforting.

    “Sarah, I thought I’d better warn you… If you have any feelings for your doorbell at all, you’d better go rescue it. He’s going to break it into pieces any second now.”

    I kept my eyes focused on the wall behind him and tried hard not to respond to his velvety voice. He sighed softly and put his arms around me, holding me to his icy chest. I stayed happily captive for a few moments until he suddenly let me go. He kept one hand on the small of my back and used the other to lightly stroke my cheek, trying to get me to look at him. I stubbornly refused, even as the warmth of his touch heated my face. I bit my lip, trying hard to resist the urge to look at his irresistible face, but I already knew what he was going to tell me.

    “Sarah…” he said in a soft, persuasive voice. I still didn’t answer, so he sighed and then gently brushed my bangs away from my face. His cool fingers traced along my jaw and finally brought my gaze to his. My gaze stuck to his eyes like glue; I couldn’t look away. His eyes were intense, smoldering once again. He obviously didn’t realize their power; one golden-green glance and I was rendered speechless, with somewhat incoherent thoughts. I briefly wondered if it would always be like this, or if this incredible infatuation would fade a little when I was a… vampire, too. I kept trying to think of things to distract me from the Jared-problem at hand, but Leo seemed to think otherwise.

    He placed his cool hands on my shoulders, keeping me just far away enough to want to be closer. I studied his stunningly beautiful face, just a foot too far away. His mouth was gently smiling, but firm, and his gemstone eyes were warm, encouraging. I frowned as I studied his perfect features. He wanted me to go down there, break Jared’s heart, and act like it was no biggie. As mean as it sounded, I knew I wouldn’t miss Jared much, but even so, I wasn’t looking forward to hurting him. Leo, however, was all for shattering my poor soon-to-be-ex’s heart.

    “Well? Are you going to be the doorbell’s hero?” Leo asked softly, a smile dancing on his lips. I watched the words come out of his mouth and attempted to ignore them for as long as possible. I had absolutely no desire to hurt Jared, even if it was for my vampire. On the other hand… Jared had been badgering the doorbell more and more persistently for the past five minutes, getting louder and louder. Thankfully, my mom was in the shower, so she couldn’t hear all of his racket at the front door. I frowned unhappily and wanted to whine, ‘Do I have to?’ but I knew what Leo’s answer would be, so I didn’t even bother trying to summon my inner five-year-old.

    I wanted him to take me into his cold, strong arms again and stay there, never having to worry about anything human-related again, but I couldn’t do that until Jared had been taken care of. I sighed, reminiscing... Jared and I had had the perfect high school relationship. We’d never had a single fight, and the pretty much the entire school knew we were the perfect couple. Were… I bit my lip, wondering what it would be like when people at school found out. By Monday, the rumors and the gossip would be twirling about like leaves on a windy day… If I were to bring Leo into the scene, they would become full-fledged tornadoes… hurricanes too…

    I mused for a few seconds with Leo watching me, patiently waiting. Guilt was a nasty thing, like a large gnat that kept flapping about in your face to remind you of its presence. It nagged and badgered me until finally, I could no longer try to ignore Jared. The doorbell was a nonstop banging and I was about 99% convinced that I was just ready to face it. Leo, however, had been ready for the past ten minutes.

    “Sarah, it would be best if you just get it over with… He’ll leave… and you can come right back up to me. I’m only here for forever you know.” He paused, and let this sink in. I smiled, already wanting the present to become the past and the forever to begin.

    “I promise, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be right here, waiting for you...” He sat down on my bed and looked up at me, his hazel eyes glowing. I wanted to be next to him, breathe in his extraordinary fragrance, and stay in his icy embrace. The only thing keeping me from that was an increasingly annoying clanging sound created by a human finger.

    “Okay. Here we go. I’m going to march down there and get this over with.” I said boldly, half to Leo and half to myself.

    “There’s a good lass.” he replied with a mock English accent.

    I grinned, but the humor had left his face almost instantly. His eyes shifted, suddenly turning into melted gemstones. He stared straight into my eyes and said seriously, “Sarah, this is the only thing that’s holding us back... I’ll be waiting for you. Right here…” His eyes were doing that hey-let’s-brainwash-Sarah thing again, the one that made my silly human heart melt into a puddle of happiness and my thoughts scramble like eggs at an all you can eat breakfast buffet.

    Leo smiled and inclined his dark head in the direction of the stairs, gently prompting me. I allowed myself one more glance at him and took a deep breath. I descended the steps faster than I would have liked, and before I could even wish to turn back around, I had already opened the front door, with Jared standing right in front of me. He looked up from his massive attack on the doorbell and straightened himself, his face lighting up as he saw me. I tried to smile back, but I was busy studying him instead. He was just as cute as he had been the night before, sun-brightened blond hair constantly falling into his gorgeous blue eyes… Endearing or not, the spark I had once felt for him was definitely gone… It was hanging on to Leo’s shirt upstairs…

    "Hey, baby! Why didn’t you answer the door? I rang it like, a million times!” Jared said, walking in to my house.

    I stepped aside to let him in and said stiffly, “Hello, Jared. Sorry you had to wait so long. I was in the, uh… bathroom.” AKA cheating on you with a vampire…

    He flicked his hair out of his eyes and said, “Oh, well, that’s okay. It wasn’t that long.” He paused to look me up and down. “Wow, baby, you look great! I thought you were gonna pass out last night! You scared me so bad! You look a lot better now, prettier than usual.”

    He grinned and said, “By the way, I haven’t had a chance to say hello yet.” His smile broadened and he wrapped his arms around my waist. I wanted to recoil away, but it was too late; he was already kissing me. I really hoped that wherever Leo was, he wasn’t watching, because this was going to be so incredibly awkward. I braced myself and tried to think of Leo instead of focusing on how bad this was going to be.

    While Jared attempted to make out with my unresponsive lips, I tried to let my mind wander about the future. I thought about Leo, my vampire, my destiny. I thought about being with him forever, and how I could go running back to him as soon as… this was over. Jared was relentless! It seemed like he was never going to back off, even though he must have realized by then that I had no intention to kiss him back… ever. He was a good kisser, yes, but I technically wasn’t his girlfriend anymore, and furthermore, the mere thought of kissing him back absolutely revolted me.

    A few minutes later, when he was finished trying to eat my face off, he stepped back and looked at me, confused. Surprise, surprise. He was obviously wondering why his usually affectionate girlfriend hadn’t kissed him back. The honest answer was that she had a vampire lover, and now felt like taking a scrubbing brush to her lips.

    “Um, let’s just… go up to my room for now.” I said quickly, breaking the brief, awkward silence. His eyes flashed to me excitedly and his face immediately lit up. He grinned eagerly and glanced upstairs, playfully raising an eyebrow. Oh, great…he thought we were headed up to my room for a massive make out. Hmm, not quite… Hookup, no. Breakup, yeah…

    “Yeah, let’s go to your room.” he agreed enthusiastically, starting up the stairs. The image of Leo’s face came to me and I was suddenly horror-struck, thinking of him waiting in my room. I crossed my fingers tightly and followed Jared upstairs, hoping Leo would manage to vanish before we got up there.

    Jared didn’t exclaim anything about a mysterious vampire’s presence, so I exhaled in relief. Leo’s mysterious presence in my room would be one thing less for me to explain to my poor soon-ex. The only thing I had to worry about trying to tell Jared that this wasn’t a make out session, it was the exact opposite.

    I walked into my room reluctantly and then cringed. Jared was sitting on my bed, grinning, and thinking he was gonna get some extreme lip action. Hate to burst that bubble, buddy…

    I grudgingly sat down next to him, and he smiled and pulled me into his lap, ready to attack me with his lips again.

    I pried myself out of his grip and moved about a foot away. He looked surprised; I had never rejected a good make out opportunity before. I sighed, wondering how to start. I vaguely wondered where Leo always seemed to disappear off to, but the more pressing matter was my confused boyfriend sitting on the bed next to me.

    I stood up and began pacing, trying to think of a delicate way to state my predicament. I’d never broken up with anyone before! Jared was my first real boyfriend, the first and the last of the human kind I would ever date. I wanted to smile; it struck me as somewhat ironic. They don’t mention immortality when they say love endures all.

    “Sarah, what’s going on?” Jared asked from my bed, every word laced with uncertainty.

    I cleared my throat and said, “Jared, I-…” I took a deep breath. I could already tell this would suck majorly. “I don’t think we should… be together anymore.”

    His brow furrowed. “Are you trying to… break up with me?” he asked, confused, like this was some kind of math problem that hadn’t clicked yet.

    “Um… yeah. I guess I am.” I said, unable to think of any better way to say it.

    I saw the light bulb flash above his head as the algebraic dilemma finally registered.

    “Sarah-… Why?”

    “I’m sorry, it’s just… I just... don’t feel anything for you anymore. It’s… not working out.” I said lamely, the guilt ball in my stomach unraveling at an unstoppable pace.

    “But… you said you loved me.” Jared said, the shock starting to fade and the pain setting in.

    “I… did. But… I just… don’t anymore. Maybe… we can still… be friends?” I cringed the second those words came out of my mouth. I had always thought that to be the most terrible line in history, and there I was, contradicting myself.

    He opened his mouth to speak, but then looked away, biting his lip. “But Sarah… I love you.” he said softly, painfully. I saw the tears welling up in his clear blue eyes and thought sardonically, “Instant puppy dog eyes, just add water to activate. Now at your local drugstore.”

    I wanted to tell him it was going to be okay, use the same words Leo had used to comfort me, but for an entirely different, yet all the same reason. I knew Jared was a really great guy, and I felt terrible for being so mean to him, but it was something that had to be done. I hoped that someday he would be able to forget about all of this and find somebody to make him happy, somebody that hadn’t fallen in love with a vampire overnight.

    He looked up at me and said, “Sarah, can’t we work something out? I… don’t understand. Please, Sarah…” he pleaded. His blue eyes were still wet, but he hadn’t actually broken down and cried… yet.

    The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him more, but he had to know that it was over for good.

    I cleared my throat and said as icily as possible, "No, Jared. It’s over. Get over it… Just leave.” I could see that my harsh words were like daggers to his vulnerable heart. He roughly brushed away the wetness in his eyes and, with one last pained glance at me, walked out of my room. He proceeded to walk out of my house, out of my neighborhood, and out of my life… forever.

    I sank into my pink chair and put my head in my hands. I felt terrible about the way I had had to treat Jared. I had never seen him cry, and the one time I did, it had been my fault. I felt like crying for being such a bad person, but I knew it would upset Leo, so I refrained from turning into Niagara Falls. I sniffled a few times and tried to compose myself. A few minutes later, I heard my mother called my name. I groaned, and slowly dragged myself out of my room.

    I stood at the top of the stairs and reluctantly answered, “Yeah?” She was wearing a bathrobe and had her wet hair in a turban, looking concerned. Great…

    “Sarah, I just saw Jared run out the door. I think he was… crying! What happened honey?”

    Of course, my mom had to have come out of the shower at the perfect time to see the proof that I was a bad person. I put my head in my hand and groaned inaudibly. Fabulous. I’d have to tell her everything… Well, not quite everything…

    I sighed, knowing she was waiting for a long detailed response about why my boyfriend had left our house crying.

    “We broke up, mom.” I called in a tired voice.

    I heard her gasp and gritted my teeth, waiting for her "concerned mom" rant.

    “Oh, honey, why? He is such a great guy! Oh, Sarah!” She clucked her tongue disapprovingly and then said, softer, “What happened, sweetie?”

    I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply, knowing that her reaction was going to be multiplied tenfold at school.

    “I just… didn’t feel anything for him anymore, so I broke up with him. I just… felt guilty, I guess. I didn’t want to lead him on anymore, so I just ended it… I broke his heart…”

    “Oh, sweetie! You poor thing! Well, I guess the heart and the mind don’t always work together. You two will figure something out, I’m sure of it.” she said optimistically.

    I rolled my eyes and thought, ‘Gee, thanks Dr. Phil, but I’m kind of already in another relationship… Sorry to waste your time!’ I knew she wanted more details, but there was nothing else I could tell her.

    “No, I… I don’t think so, Mom. It was pretty bad… I-… I um… I don’t really want to talk about it, okay?

    “Oh, honey,” she said softly, “It’s always hard to end a relationship.” Then, more to herself than me, she murmured, “I would know…” I heard her sniffle and then walk into the kitchen, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

    I went back into my room, closed the door, and flopped onto my bed. For the next five or so minutes, I just brooded and felt bad about everything until a happy thought suddenly popped into my head. He had promised he would be here waiting…

    “Leo?” I asked tentatively, “Are you here?”

    I heard his quiet laugh come from somewhere in my room. “I’m in the closet again, Sarah.”

    I smiled, hearing his musical voice had instantly made me feel a little bit better.

    “Last I checked, it was a mess in there.” I said, wondering how long he had actually been in there. Had he heard everything with Jared? And my weird, whimpering meltdown thing? Oops.

    “Yeah, all of your old stuffed animals are looking at me like they want to eat me.” he joked playfully.

    I laughed, the Jared-knot my stomach beginning to dissolve.

    “You should probably tell them you’re a vampire. I’m sure their thoughts of eating you would be abruptly ceased.”

    Ha, ha. Very funny, Sarah. I do think I should come out, though. I can’t see your beautiful face with these doors in the way.”

    Before I could even blushingly react to his comment, Leo had emerged from the depths of my closet and was smiling at me, stuffed animals falling to the floor in his wake. He crossed the distance between us in a millisecond, the light from the window dancing on his brilliant smile. Before I could even reassemble my thoughts, he was holding me in his cold, strong arms, and I was enveloped in his incredible scent. The last, tiny drop of Jared-anxiety melted away and was replaced with a warm, tingly euphoria that flooded through my soon-to-be vampire veins.