• I don't know what I'm doing anymore.
    I feel like everything I've ever known is about to slip away.
    That at any moment the trip wire could be triggered
    and everything could spiral out of control.
    Friends have lost their meaning and
    no one seems as real as they should be.
    People are showing their real colors,
    but yet, they're blending them with their
    fake images, making everything about them a blur.
    Hearts are breaking and yet, everything seems fine to any bystander.
    It's a fragile glass cup on the edge of a counter-top,
    ready to fall and break apart.
    It'll spill it's contents for everyone to see,
    revealing nothing short of the truth.
    But no one wants to push the cup over,
    or give the counter-top a small nudge.
    On the other hand, no one wants to push it in to safety and
    attempt to avoid the inevitable either.
    Maybe in fear that if the cup breaks, we all will.
    We'll disperse into just a memory,
    but forgetting the dreams and promises we made together.
    All of it will just slip away with the first shatter.


    When he told me about her, my heart broke.
    Simply shattered into insolvable pieces.
    He told me he loved me,
    but in that moment, those words were gone.
    They drifted into an unreachable place that huts to remember.
    He told me he was sorry, but what five-letter word
    fixes the damage he'd done?
    I forgot not only his words that promised love and
    hope for my unpredictable future, but I forgot how to trust.
    Trusting means hurt.
    Nothing more. It made me, dare I sound weak, vulnerable.
    Part of me wants to think that we're a steady bridge
    bringing our distant worlds together.
    That we're made of the strongest materials and that
    nothing can break what we have.
    But I feel like almost anything can make this bridge disintegrate.
    That someday, we'll have nothing all because of a little "mistake."
    I want us to be the definition of forever.
    That we won't just get married, have kids, and grow old together,
    but that we spend the rest of eternity together.
    With or without heaven, I want us to be together beyond forever.
    But nothing haunts me more than his sorry.


    My family has been dangling on a single thin string
    for years now. That hasn't surprised me one bit.
    But what has surprised me, is how much everything changed.
    And I don't mean that in a good way.
    My family cares nothing about my accomplishments
    or what I've managed to make for my future.
    They want me to be perfect,
    and I want to be perfect for them,
    but I can't.
    My grandmother wanted only the best for me.
    I want to be perfect for her.
    I remember reading once,
    “HOW
    do you define a word without concrete meaning? To each his own, the saying goes, so
    WHY
    push to attain an ideal state of being that no two random people will agree is
    WHERE
    you want to be? Faultless. Finished. Incomparable. People can never be these, and anyway,
    WHEN
    did creating a flawless facade become a more vital goal than learning to love the person
    WHO
    lives inside your skin? The outside belongs to others. Only you should decide for you -
    WHAT
    is perfect” (Ellen Hopkins)
    I want to activate the trip wire causing mass mayhem.
    I want to push the cup off the edge, unafraid of the shards
    that will break friendships for sure.
    I want to set our bridge on fire and watch it fall.
    I want to take the stormy waters beneath our lands and
    let them evaporate into the air above us,
    And then let the soils merge together to create something different and new.
    Make their existence gone, so that nothing is between us.
    I want to make them proud of me.
    I want to be perfect.