A Blood Stain In The Snow

• Artist: Schizophrenic_Dolly
• Description:
• Date: 07/19/2008
• Tags: blood

A blood stain in the snow
Each drop will make it grow
Grow until the snow is red
Surround the body that is dead
A blood stain in the snow
Who killed her? We'll never know
It Made an ocean of crimson blood
Mixing with the dirt and mud
A blood stain in the snow
Where did the killer go?
He drowned in the crimson sea
He died
He died
He died with me

Comments

[Pfenix_Unicorn]

searching for the right word....fatalistic is that it? dunno

[Nidoqueen of Hearts]

I usually never find anything wrong with poems because I don't have a very observant eye. But I can't find anything wrong with this poem, except the capitilization but I don't really care about that. It's a deep poem, it's a beautiful poem, it's a WONDERFUL poem. Great job. <3

[Ocarina10]

About Lovers Never Tell's comment about capitalization, I don't think it really matters. Everyone has their own style of writing and the poem shouldn't have be judged on that.

[Lovers Never Tell]

You went from "Who killed her" to "He died...". You can't just switch subjects like this because you made no transition between them. Also only capitalize the begingin of ever sentence, not line. Other than that, there's really no description in here to tell me what's really going on. Paint me a picture and make it worth looking at. Just to let you know, this poem was very cliche, some parts are good to go, but others really need work. Check out the OP/L stickies.

[Miyanaki]

i really good!! like... wow.. 5.

[Rhiannon The Wicked]

deep it is pretty darn good but i would say the line with crimson blood is a bit off tempo but all together its good 4 star
I would have changed the line to some thing like this.....

It created and ocean of red
crimson blood was the ocean


but thats just what i think don't take it bad okay Im just trying to help out a bit sorry if i may offend you i don't mean to!