Water Is Uncatchable!!!!

• Artist: Mr_Ice 2707
• Description: A poem I wrote thinking about water.......
• Date: 07/29/2008
• Tags:

When I was water you couldn't catch me,
Though I filled the shape of a glass exactly,
When I was ice,
My heart grew chill,
And I broke the glass I was meant to fill,
Now I lay silent hard and still,
And you think you can catch me,
I'm no more than a raincloud over a hill,
Still think you can catch me?,
You never will.

Comments

[Dorian Wanhope]

Nice poem, but here is some advice. Your rhyme scheme seems very unstructured and begs the question is it necessary at all since it seems to rhyme just for the sake of it. Lines 3 and 4 can be ut together because apart they seem very odd. Als if your a raincloud how is it hard. it is all little contradictory. Well I hope that helps and doesn't feel like I am being mean. Just liek to help a fellow poet.

[Mr_Ice 2707]

Thnx!

[KoolBeansBabee]

Hmm... pretty good.
i doubt i could make a poem about water. lol
The meaning.. well its understandable, but not totally
clear. Make sure the reader knows what your talking about.
[i have that problem alot..] Also.. i agrre with "Abstractx13"
Very nice, keep it up! smile 4-stars

[Abstractx13]

it's actually really good, but the beginning of it doesn't flow well. That doesn't really change my opinion of it though