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Sudden Death
The sudden death of
you my love was the
most painful thing
in my life and it will always leave
a scar on my heart when you
suddenly died for me
and you took that deadly shot
for me and you saved
my life and i never got
a chance to thank you enough
for that day but now you are dead and
i can't undo what has been done
and i never told you this but I
loved you all the time!
I want to be with you but i can't and I
will always miss you and you will always
be in my heart forever
- by iiJustHackedYourBitchAss |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 09/28/2008 |
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- Title: Sudden Death
- Artist: iiJustHackedYourBitchAss
- Description: Well this Poem is called "Sudden Death" and I really want the readers to relate if they can but if I see criticizing I will quickly delete your comment
- Date: 09/28/2008
- Tags: death upon love
- Report Post
Comments (2 Comments)
- Sincerely Ophelia - 09/30/2008
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aaaaaaaaaaaaw. I love it.
I LOVE the way you divide the sentences to rhyme. I think thats very cool. I do that too sometimes. It makes the poetry sound like a paragraph with rhymes in it because the rhymes come in the middle of sentences rather than the end. Just an on-going flow of beauty. Very nice. I give you a 5!
Sweet Days! =D
_Secret_Angel_3 <3 =3 - Report As Spam
- asta_orra - 09/29/2008
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The sentiment behind this poem is great, but it feels like a rap or prose that happens to rhyme. I would suggest a consistent use of capitalization, particularly as it applies to I.
This by the way is constructive criticism. - Report As Spam
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