Pain

• Artist: Scarlette Nishidaki
• Description: I wrote this after a major fight with my boyfriend. I needed to blow off some steam so i started typing and this is what I got. Please vote and leave comments.
• Date: 11/28/2008
• Tags: pain

I love you
I can't deny that simple fact
But there has to be something wrong
I can't stand in your presence without wanting to cry
I can't hear your voice without thinking of my funeral
We always fight
And I don't want to do it anymore
You've broken my heart so many times
So why do you always come back?
You'll take the pieces and sew them back together
And then rip them back into shreds
I love you
I always have and I always will
There's no denying that
But I can't help but wonder
If you mean the words you say
You were so sweet, and so kind
But now I can't speak my mind
Without you trying to find something wrong with my thoughts.
This love hurts me more than anything ever has
So why can't I turn away?
Why can't I just stop seeing you
And stop hearing you?
Why do my thoughts dwell on nothing but you?

Comments

[1lax-ily2-say-BYE]

OMG !! I love it ! It made my eyes watery !! I love it !!!!!!
5/5 &&; I know how you feel. I've been there a lot. crying

[un3dead3spirit3]

i know how you feel my bf did that to me, in fact, we just broke up again for the....5th time...anyway, awesome poem, you should try and change the questions at the end and make them statements, 5/5

[fatmasterson]

I wrote this line after reading your piece of crap:
I can't read this poem without hoping for my funeral.
1/5!!!

[Obstruction]

hmmm....interesting, very good biggrin

[xXCuddlie_Yet_ViciousXx]

wow....i feel the same way right now. i coulda wrote these words.

[Princess Aqua Moon]

this poem was so deep it really is good

[a peace remaining]

This has some great raw emotion, however a good rule to go by is never talk about the "heart" unless you mean the organ-- it's an image that has been used over and over and at this point just seems trite. I really like the line "I can't hear your voice without thinking of my funeral". The brief rhyme between "kind" and "mind" shows good continuity, but I think that the questions at the end are a bit cliche. Try finding a better one-line punch. Overall, good. 3/5