The Still of the Morning

• Artist: RazorBlade_PunkRomance
• Description: I love writing peotry or peotic things and I was inspired to right this one day when I was kinda bored and it was raining. I was just watching it then, finally when it stopped I went to open the window and look out and it was just like so peaceful and calm. It was really lovely. But yeah, I think I did a good job, but tell meh what you think trully please! Enjoy. =)
• Date: 11/29/2008
• Tags: poemthe still morning

The Still Of The Morning


In the mill the spider is threading
As the horses are waking
The sun beams a light
That barely awakens
The mice on the floor.
The miller lies in his cotton bed
Dreaming of memories
When he was just a kid.
The tide comes in to land from the seas
Whispering a warming “hello”
Then runs out with a shimmer
Faint and green.
The cat walks on feet so white
Watching the miller as he starts to wake up
And the miller looks out his window
Smiling, for the storms have stopped
And it is now
The still of the morning.

Comments

[RazorBlade_PunkRomance]

Thankies!!! *hugs back* That's really awesome of you to say. biggrin Practice makes perfect.

[Hoshikaze]

this is very good for a beginning poet. ^_^ as you keep writing you'll hone your style and write better poems. you have a lot of talent, but there's always more to learn! *hugs*

[RazorBlade_PunkRomance]

Thank you for your adivce!! That was very helpful. =) I tried at least right? xD That was one of my first poems that I came out with so I think for a first timer that was pretty good. True?

[Hoshikaze]

comment 3 of 3. (sorry!!)

it's not perfect, but it's 4 am for me. i hope this is helpful to you. you really have a lovely poem, but i think you can make it even better with time. ^_^ you have great potential! keep writing, k? *hugs*

[Hoshikaze]

just to show you how different a poem can be by changing line breaks and opening/closing words, here's a slight revision of a few lines. i'm not saying you need to change your poem to look like this. ^_^ i just want you to see how important these things are to the feel of a poem.
~
In the mill the spider is threading.
Horses wake and the sun beams
light, barely rousing the mice
asleep on the floor.
~
(continued again, cuz i'm darn wordy!)

[Hoshikaze]

*ponders*

you create a very peaceful image with this poem. but i feel that you need to tighten up your word choices and structure.

the two most important words for every line are the first and the last words. the first word opens the image you're going to create for the line. the last word closes the image or pushes the reader to continue that image on the next line.

(continued)