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My heart is crying
But my smile is staying on
I have to leave you my love
As you are too close
You have given me a reason in this life
Now I shall give you yours
Go and find her my love
Your one true love
- by larna-sasuke |
- Poetry And Lyrics
- | Submitted on 12/06/2008 |
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- Title: find her my love
- Artist: larna-sasuke
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Description:
its a bad poem but you could tell me where and how to make it better
>_< thanks - Date: 12/06/2008
- Tags: find love
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Comments (4 Comments)
- Metal Goth Drummer - 05/26/2009
- i hope I have found my true love, but i am still unsure...
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- ThisIsMyDeathbed_x - 02/21/2009
- write it from your heart. Tis what i do. Even though i'm just another jumpy , bouncy teenage girl, i write depressing stuff (not so much my crap stories. mainly poems) Perhaps u can read a couple for pointers? (And help me make mine better biggrin )
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- Novaske - 02/02/2009
- Hmm... Use better wording, try to place more emotion into it, really delve into your soul for the words, don't just look them up in a dictionary. Don't worry about rhyme as it isn't necessary for poetry, I don't mean to be rude but I was unable to feel any emotion from this writing, you didn't put enough feeling. Good luck in writing.
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- Doomed Sex - 12/08/2008
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Longer, add rhyming, add a deeper meaning, use stronger words..
i felt it though.. its deep but not deep enough.. - Report As Spam