In a little orphan's mind

• Artist: mitsuki chan of fullmoon
• Description: Think of it. While you sit so warm near the fire all covered up with thick layers of sheets with your hot coco, little orphan kids sit coldly down the snowy streets with no extra layer of coats and jackets begging.
  I know my poem stinks but you can't say that all these children are safe in an orphanage and it hurts my heart to see them mostly here in Phil. My conscience is killing me!
  
  *sighs* Anyway, I hope you all have a very merry christmas.
• Date: 12/23/2008
• Tags: christmas

I have nothing this christmas season
Not a tree, nor gifts or a home
Just a little girl with one coin
To buy myself an icecream cone

I have no mother and father,none!
Just a poor little homeless orphan
Looking at familys' window pane
With their stockings and candy canes

All the christmas lights at the street
Were the only one that I greeted
There I imagined having my own family
Laughing with me so happily

That image disappeared so fast
but no, I wanted it to last!
But then again, what can I do?
All I can say is merry christmas to you.

Comments

[purple_artemis00]

While the sentiment is admirable, the poem isn't quite as compelling. Firstly, check sentence structure, spelling and capitalization. Christmas is always CAPS. Also, it's a little muddled with abstractions and cliches. Clear that up. The rhyme is inconsistent and distracting.
However, the message is great and you could make this into a compelling and interesting piece.

[crazypopz]

niice poem... you should go to carring ministries if you want to help out... it really changed me...

[mewmewcool]

5/5

[Emo_Cupcake1516]

Yeah... that when we are sleeping in warm bed they are trying to survive out there.. Man i want to help them it killing me now. You have made an awesome poem keep on writing mabe.. someday they will be useful in the future.