Evil Eye (Give Me My Shock)

• Artist: dunteatcatz
• Description: Well, I'm not going to go over the writing process, depression can be great inspiration, but it's dark and I like it so I thought I'd put it up for yous to see and review!
  Please leave a comment if you are going to give it a low rating, I'd like to try and make my writing better, thank you :)
• Date: 07/08/2009
• Tags: evil give shock

Sitting up upon the hills, the world lying at his feet
How could he know, that this would unfold, in catastrophe
The pain spilled out from inside, as he spilled right off the side
The world flew past, and he glimpsed it fast, he stared into her evil eye

Give me my shot
I need you to put me to sleep
Give me my shock
'Cause shock is my only anethstetic

Twigs snapped, he fled the world, fled through the world, from what he'd heard
This silhouette stares at him, stares with an eternal grin
"Deliver me!" He screamed out for me, "Deliver me!"
"Deliver me! Into my trance! Into this trance into..."

HER EVIL EYE!

Give me my shot
I need you to put me to sleep
Give me my shock
But now I see that sleep reveals...

Seemed so surreal, ah Evil Eye... Evil Eye
Seemed so surreal... ah Evil Eye... Evil Eye... EVIL EYE

The pain spilled out from inside, as he spilled right off the side
The world flew past, and he glimpsed it fast, he stared into her evil eye
She pushed, it grinned, I stood, we watched as he fell to the world
He looked up into her eye, my eyes he saw... he heard...

Give me my shot
I need you to put me to sleep
Give me my shock
'Cause shock is my only anethstetic

Give me my shot
I need you to put me to rest
Give me my shock
I fell with him, I know it's best

Comments

[[~Femme Fatale~]]

It is awkwardly written I find, like things dont flow very well. Its not bad, so dont think Im just trying to be a jerk, but maybe work on having your lines flow better into each other.