held

• Artist: Vito321
• Description: i dont know how this came to me but its some of my best of my work
• Date: 09/01/2009
• Tags: held

im held captive
im held by a fist
held by a man
held by a thought
held by greed and murder
a thought held by me... ninja

Comments

[DDrox316]

I agree with HBONN (I didn't want to write the whole thing, sorry)
I think you say a lot but the poem is so short it kind of cuts off.
But maybe that's the way you want it ? Idk...
if you do expand or change it, one idea is that you could say that "I'm being held by myself" or some phrasing of that, like the quote that says a person's greatest fear is themself...

[HatredBearOmNomNom]

Could be expanded into an interesting theme with some work, also start to include imagery, it's what makes the classics so great. Nice start though.