shadows

• Artist: Klikn
• Description:
• Date: 03/08/2010
• Tags: shadows

As i sit deep in the shadows
of my existance noone knows
I must end all of this pain
but all my trys have been in vain
is it help i seek??
maybe im too week?
is the pain too great?
or has death come late?
I dont know how to stop
spinning life like a top
will it ever end??
i know it wont mend
but still i sit in the shadows
all alone staring at my toes
slowly will life's end come
for me a lowely bum
all alone deep in shadows
my existance noone knows........

Comments

[nbetweener]

First things first: if you're going to write, learn the tools. Spelling, grammar, and knowing which word to/too/two use are all important.

Looks like you're missing an "of" in that last line, that is, if you're going for repetition.
Personally, the lowly bum line is...almost goofy. It starkly contrasts in feel with the rest of the poem. How are you "spinning life"? That makes no sense to me, either.
It's got potential, but does need serious work. Half of writing...is rewriting.