A Moment

• Artist: KittyWaffles-of Do0o0oM-
• Description: just a random poem that fell outta my head
• Date: 03/16/2010
• Tags: moment

Lingering in the darkness, I scream
In a rage so lustful for the blood dancing
From the hallow of your spine-
The quivers in your skin
Spark the blazing dreams, in my chaos,
Reeking with your essence!
A fire so bright; so pure
The truths dancing around become so blinding to my eyes-
I can feel your heart race within me!
Every pulse, tremors the vast landscape of my soul ‘nd body-
The feeling so exalted
As the burning sweetness of your aura gasps mine
The rain it graces the fire we burn in
Its bitterness, we remain unhindered by
In an everlasting moment of passions fire burning
Deep within our beings,
I can feel the world pulse and quiver as you do
The shutters of fear beckon us closer
In moments so short, we can breathe
In a land so desolate- once again

Comments

[Slinkenhofer]

You misused hallow, gasps, and shutters. Or perhaps you misspelled hollow, grasps, and shudders. Use more periods; it helps the reader identify the rhythm of the poem.
Otherwise, it's a good poem. Perhaps work on the beat of it to capture the intensity, it seemed a little slow to me compared to the theme of the poem.