• TITLE: Murse

    a one act musical

    by: Christo (aka Leon_Wake)







    Characters:

    Kathie - male nurse, in the age 38, a short man.

    Captain – quadriplegic, but is also a mime (has two prosthetic arms on pulleys/ able to move arms with mouth). Age 43.

    Kel – suicidal, is a come and go patient, always seems to mess up. Age anywhere between 20.

    Katya - lady that thinks the world is ending, age is anywhere between 78.

    Edwin - the true nerd, likes to be referred to by character name "Thundar the Barbarian." son of Katya, 30.










    Curtain opens

    (Kathie wheels Captain out of room)

    Kathie: So where to now Captain?

    (Captain pulls an arm to have hand at forehead and does a scan of stage, then maneuvers arms/hands to do a pair of binoculars and then does a second scan. does a double take upon the spot by the coffee table. uses one arm to signal to go to that spot.)

    Kathie: Ah, quite the sunny spot. It would do you some good to get some color.

    (Kathie rolls Captain over to the coffee table. the brakes a put on so that the chair doesn't move.)

    (Note: for the rest of the play any thing that is said that can be mimed Captain makes an attempt to mime it out.)

    Kathie: Alright Cap I'm going to-

    (Edwin comes running on stage shouting "Mother", he's not watching where he's going and runs into Kathie. Edwin sprawls to his feet and is apologizing)

    Kathie: (getting up) Is there some way that I can help you sir- ummm, Mr.- Who are you?

    Edwin: I'm Edwin- err rather Thundar, the Barbarian! And I'm looking for my mother, Katya- (Kathie is confused). Umm the lady that is bed ridden and when ever able will talk about how it’s the end of the world-

    Kathie: OH! HER! She’s in the room right there... (Laughing) wonder whose joke that was! (Points to the room number its room 666)

    Edwin: Well, I need to talk to her.

    Kathie: Go ahead she's just napping.

    (Edwin walks over to the door and Kel crosses, hobbling, just up stage of Edwin and is headed towards the door)

    Kathie: Kel just where do you think your going?

    Kel: I got- I'm a- umm- I'm going to the shop to get some candy do you want some?

    Edwin: (opens door) Mother are you up? (Goes into room, the door closes)

    Kathie: (ignoring what Kel had just said) but I thought that you were being held for 48 hours not 12?

    Kel: But- But-

    Kathie: But what? 48 is 48. Not 12. So- (Kel start hobbling away) were are you going?

    Kel: I'M GOING TO DIE, ok?

    (Edwin opens door to leave Katya's room)

    Katya: Edwin, my little cabbage, can you believe that it can be so peaceful just be for the storm of hell?

    Edwin: Ah- it’s good to know that you’re doing good to Mother! Well, I'm off to work! (Closes the door and walks over to bench and starts typing and fooling around on his laptop.)

    Kathie: (going over and putting arm around the shoulders of Kel) Ha, that is one heck of a joke! What attempt got you in here this time?

    Kel: uhh. I tried to shoot myself-

    Kathie: AGAIN?

    Kel: Yeah the last time I used a pistol and- you remember, right?- I had it on my temple and then when I pulled the trigger the pistol jerked and the bullet only grazed my head. So this time I thought what if I just use a shotgun?

    Kathie: Well I guess that was a lucky miss.

    Kel: Yah, Yah! The doc said that if it would have been more at this angle I would have had no foot!

    Kathie: (says to audience and Captain is also miming what's said here and reminder he is miming everything that is said that can be) ACK! Not what I meant at all (points from foot to head) I was saying quite a LU-CKY miss, Toe and not the Head. Not toe foot! (Back to Kel) well that's good news but how many attempts have you made?

    Kel: well I just said two... umm... there was the time that I decided to try drowning myself... I went out to the lake. I even weighted myself too and said to myself that I'd just walk till the water was over my head and then take a deep breath in. so I started walking and walking the water level all the while was going from mid shin to waist deep to mid chest to base of the neck to the top of the neck and I kept on walking then before I knew it I was on the other side of the lake... then there was my hanging attempt, advice for any other attempts in that way- make sure the rope hasn't been chewed by mice. Then there was the time I tried to poison myself and ended up fainting. And also the time that I tried overdosing but instead I just puked it all back up before that could happen. Boy I must sound like quite the failure.


    Kathie: Think of it this way Kel-(now attempting to sing as Rick Astley in his song "Never gonna give you up" wink you may say that you are a failure-



    Kel: (interrupting) and that’s why?



    Kathie: no, no, no now let me finish what I was trying to say. (Sings faster this time) you may say that you are a failure, (now regular tempo) but yet you have managed to succeed-



    Kel: (interrupting) in what?



    Kathie: (still singing) living, surviving... having... A LIFE!



    Kel: Life?



    Kathie: sing it now.



    Kel: (starts singing like Marilyn Manson) A Life, why how grand a life I thought you had gone. But how could that be when all I’ve been doing is trying and trying to squeeze every last breath out of me?



    Kathie: (singing) yes, yes, yes! You have life! You have happiness! You can leave! Oh, yes- (wheels about and sees Kel with a noose) NO!



    Kel: (singing) I am happy! But all this singing about squeezing and breathing I just thought it to be easier to hang around for the end. (Not singing) Edwin? Edwin where’s the janitor’s-



    Kathie: (not singing) DON'T SAY A THING EDWIN!



    Edwin points to off stage not saying a word.

    (Kel and Kathie say the next line together but Kel is cheerful and Kathie is ticked off)



    Kel & Kathie: Thanks for everything, Edwin.



    (Kel goes to hobble off stage in the direction that Edwin pointed, Kathie chases after and drags Kel back by the noose)



    Kathie: Now you sit to the end and no more hanging… (Makes Kel sit on bench next to Edwin) or any other thoughts of that nature. And by the time I’m finished, you, Kel, will be back out on the street clicking your heels full of happy glee. Ok?



    Kel: (nods) yep.


    Kathie: Good, MUSIC! (Music fits the singing style. Starts singing yet again) you may say that you are a failure, but yet you have managed to succeed- at having a life! Now go live it full! No more of your misery. Just think of the happy things not dwelling on all those- unfinished scars... (starts to go through the ways that Kel has already tried to kill self and comes up with a contrary thing to do, i.e.: go to the range and shoot guns instead. once the song starts to hit a high point)

    Song is interrupted-

    Kathie: Edwin? (No response) HE-MAN I need you to call upon the power of Gray skull and help me out here.



    Edwin: IT’S THUNDAR! You dwarf.



    Kathie: whatever I need your help, Thundarrr.



    Edwin: with what?



    Kathie: ah-hum. (Gestures to Kel then the door)



    Edwin: oh.



    (The song now continues where it left off. But now Edwin is adding back up vocals, as they are helping Kel to the door that leads offstage. If running out of attempts then go for ones that Kel has not done, i.e.: setting self on fire, jumping from a high place, etc.)



    (Kel goes off stage. Kathie and Edwin are looking off stage for a few seconds, both sigh out a "Well", then turn around to go back to what they were doing. Everyone hears the honking of car horns then the horn of a semi. There is squeal of tires then some crashing noises. Kathie and Edwin are reacting to what’s going on off stage.)



    Kel: (off stage, weak voice) I’m still alive.



    (Kathie and Edwin look at each other in a bit of shock)



    Katya: (from closed room) SEE EDWIN, SEE I TOLD YOU HELL HAS COME!!!



    Kathie: that didn’t just happen?



    Edwin: (snapping out of it) what just happen? (Heads back to laptop)



    Katya: THERE ARE BURNING PEOPLE OUT SIDE, EDWIN DEAR!



    Edwin: HONESTLY MOTHER NO ONE BELIEVES YOU!



    Kathie: umm… Edwin, two things… one, we really gotta find a different room for your mother. And two is that your mother is right about the burning people for once… look…

    (Points offstage, just then Kathie gets a page) (Sigh) it feels like I'm getting tugged about by a rope, today.

    (Captain mimes a rope around him and getting pulled and pulling the rope. as he is doing so he falls out of the chair onto the floor)

    Captain: AHHHH, TO HELL WITH IT!


    Katya: AMEN, in a hand basket!


    (Curtain)