Remembering To Smile

• Artist: loving_incognito
• Description: This is just a stanza of what will become either a poem or song. It is not finished but I would highly appreciate feed back So that I could build off it. Thanks
• Date: 10/04/2010
• Tags: remembering smile

The memory of your joy has been painted in my dreams
My lips parting warmly to show my teeth is no longer an action of reality
It is time to rehabilitate and to gather our thoughts, my love
What we must remember is
The way we used to smile
heart

Comments

[loving_incognito]

Thank you! smile

[The Demented Calico]

I can see what you're going for in this poem. The second line in it (no offense) to me comes out as kind of creepy. It makes me picture the clown from It. Unless you were going for creepy which could also work fantastically. I would suggest removing the 'my love' part from the poem, it doesn't really needs it and sometimes not stating the obvious can state so much more. I do love the last two lines from the poem so it appear to be on the right track! Hope that helps and didn't offend!

-Cali