Dogma be Damned

• Artist: Gothique Jedi
• Description: Feedback?
• Date: 10/20/2010
• Tags: dogma damned

Bleeding statues see
You righteous envy me
What was written on the stone
Make blood that broke the throne

Death threat doves over land
And Wormwood pebble in the sand
Calm the winds at sea
And throw your stones at me

You bible thumping sores
Buried in your whores
Filling up your bottomless holes
With petty fool's gold

Your wine becoming blood
Your bread turns to mud
The weak upon their knees
And pray a new disease

The blind follow your signs
Burning crosses in their minds
Saint puppet on a string
Crown of thorns for the king

I stole heaven's keys
And nailed them to a tree
Your Christ doesn't see
That your sinners follow me

Your king is a bore
Your queen hates the world
This holy family shines
With seven deadly lies

The Gospels that they preach
Are feeding all you sheep
But your father and your son
Wish you were never born

Comments

[flyys]

I'd like some punctuation so that I'd know how you want us to say the poem, unless you'd like for me to make it up. But considering how this poem is to your opinion, I doubt you'd want to give the reader as to so much freedom of choice. Other than that, I could see this as almost a rap. Also, the beat loves to go off differently and the words are very slick to the tongue.
My only problem is that you've got 8 stanzas doing the exact same function. I could have gotten the same effect with half.

[flyys]

I'd like some punctuation so that I'd know how you want us to say the poem, unless you'd like for me to make it up. But considering how this poem is to your opinion, I doubt you'd want to give the reader as to so much freedom of choice. Other than that, I could see this as almost a rap. Also, the beat loves to go off differently and the words are very slick to the tongue.
My only problem is that you've got 8 stanzas doing the exact same function. I could have gotten the same effect with half t

[good_morning good_bye]

i like the imagery, especially in the fifth stanza, and the overall unity is nice,
but sometimes it seems like the rhyming scheme is taking a little of its spontaneity.