• Dr. Emil Furtado, Uno Carb and the rest of Sidetrack City Holding Co. return from their exile in the UNKNOWN REGIONS OF HELL to bring you some knowledge they picked up along the way!

    1. You can't fight City Hall so DON'T EVEN TRY!!

    2. Life is not fair now and it will only get WORSE later.

    3. Alcohol is your best friend, use it liberally.

    4. In an Ambulance you got a chance, in a Hearse, going to be worse.

    5. Welfare is where its at, hard work only leads to broken dreams and heartbreaking disappointments.

    6. When life kicks you in the groin, SHOOT IT IN THE HEAD!

    7. Cash, grass or a**, this ride aint free!

    8. Life is like a recycling plant, old problems never really go away, they only come back as new ones.

    9. Dignity is for suckers, DO ANYTHING for an easy buck!

    10. Pride is BULLSHIT, kiss all kinds of a**, grease all kinds of palms and suck all kinds of d**k to get ahead.

    11. Loyalty is overrated, TRAMPLE YOUR OWN MOTHER to get to the top!!

    12. If you ever feel like killing yourself, take a deep breath, think twice and choose the quickest way to die.

    13. Look at your children as more depressing, disappointing versions of yourself, this may be the only thing you will SMILE about for a very long time.

    14. SANITY SUCKS, seek refuge in your own self induced mental illness.

    15. SEX is a balm to soothe that festering, seething, unbearably painful BOIL you call a life.

    16. Never make fun of the Handicapped, you know they have it WAY BETTER than you!

    17. If people tell you that you are bitter just remind them, "SO ARE MOST POISONS!"

    18. If you meet GOD today, KILL HIM, its his fault you are here to begin with.

    19. Flush twice, it's a long way to CAPITOL HILL!!

    20. Never waste your money on expensive things, when you die they will end up in a PAWN SHOP anyway.

    21. If you are not rich now, YOU NEVER WILL BE!!

    22. If you EVER win the lotto, you will be in twice the debt of your winnings within the year.

    23. People thank their lucky stars they are not a sorry excuse like YOU!!

    24. You look up the word loser in the dictionary and guess who you see staring back at you?

    25. Eventually you will die, go to HELL and have to put up with the same s**t ALL OVER AGAIN, but for now just think of your LOSER KIDS, your DEAD END JOB, your SUCK LIFE AND …..
    SMILE wink