• The thought of it all crashing down
    Binds me to this feeling of miserable nostalgia
    One more time
    I want to hold you
    One more time
    I want to laugh with you
    One more time
    I want to love
    And one more time
    I want to pretend I was loved back
    Why was I sad for the full year?
    I loved you, but I was pretending it was real.
    I love you, and this time it is real.
    You don’t love me, not the way I wish you did.
    Once again
    I can’t hold you
    Once again
    I cry alone
    Once again
    I’m in love
    Once again
    I’m not loved back
    Twelve months into a relationship with you
    There really is no word for it, is there?
    We feel something towards each other;
    Too bad they’re polar opposites.
    I’m falling,
    But not the way I want to be.
    Knowing what will happen next won’t cushion the impact.
    Is it any wonder that I’m afraid of heights?
    I’m on a giant chessboard,
    And I’m out of pawns.
    Once more
    The opposing king has taken over me.
    Though this ‘king’ is but a pawn himself.
    I wish to be a part of something beautiful,
    Even though I’m forever wrapped in the dark.
    Can anyone see my tears?
    I repeat;
    Can anyone see my emptiness?
    It wasn’t supposed to end up this way.
    No wonder they call it ‘real life’.
    We were supposed to fall together.
    Was this all a façade?
    I’m hungry for you.
    I’m starving.
    Sustainment is far from my reach though.
    I admit; I am not surprised at this.
    I’m in pain, and you’re the only band-aid.
    For now, you’re not even an ointment.
    You’re the sting in this cut.
    Passing my hand through these waves of emotion,
    I realize just how strong the tide was.
    I was foolish.
    I thought I could play pretend and not get hurt.
    I need a reason.
    Not even our creator is my reason right now.
    I can feel the devil clawing at the back of neck,
    And I can feel the spirit trying to wake me up.
    I want to sleep.
    Just let me sleep!
    I want to let this dream roll on,
    No matter how many tears it strains out of me.
    It hurts them,
    Me saying how I feel.
    It numbs me,
    Letting it all out.
    A waterfall of words scroll before my eyes,
    Yet none of them describe this breaking feeling.
    Longing? Broken heart? Misery?
    Not strong enough.
    The full context of the word ‘love’ doesn’t seem to apply to you, does it?
    All I can say is,
    You’re just like all the rest.
    Yet I love you more than I can comprehend.