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Rayne Onmi (Finished) Future Bonds (Will resume at a later date), and Dream World Mirau (Ongoing Updated Daily)
Rayne Onmi Preface: Hime's Amber Heart
Today started just as any other, I went to work as an interpreter between the village chief and foreigners who wanted to trade resources with my village located about 30 miles away from the Ocean. Everyday the negotiations get harder and harder as the foreigners demand higher prices and the village chief demands better quality of goods. My birth name is Katsuma Onmi, but many villages just call me "Mr. Onmi" or my title of "Interpreter" if they have worked with me before. The village where I live and work in is very small, so it’s not surprising that people know each other on a last name basis. I have a lovely wife name Mari and a 3 year old daughter named Rayne. No matter how stressful work is on me I always enjoy going home to their smiling faces.

During the everyday hustle and bustle of people going from here to there I decided to pick up a few things my wife asked me to get on my way home from work...only necessary things like eggs, bread, and rice. I bought every thing on the list Mari prepared for me this morning, and begun to head home. "Good afternoon Mr. Onmi...how are you today?" I heard a familiar voice greet me. The voice belonged to the jewelry salesmen that I bought my engagement rings from. I decided to look through the jewelry for a gift for my wife, and that’s when I found the "Hime's Amber Heart" or so the jeweler named it. The cord was thin leather, very basic and common, but the pendant in the shape of a heart was colored yellow like the noon sun. The jeweler saw my interest immediately and begun to describe the item to me. "It's made of Amber, a unique material which changes color as it ages...starting out yellow like this and then becomes a deep red. Yellow amber is mined not to far from here, but red amber is very rare and very valuable. This necklace sells for 15,000 Yen (150 USD) a little expensive, but you won't find another one like it in the entire world Mr. Onmi...You see amber is made naturally so no two pieces are exactly alike. Well what do you think? Would you like to buy this Mr. Onmi maybe as a present for your lovely wife or young daughter perhaps?" The jeweler was as long winded as ever when it came to explaining things to potential buyers. I pondered everything the jeweler said to me about the unique necklace as I considered whither or not to buy it.

I couldn't pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity and so I bought it and headed home. When I got home Mari was a little upset at the price I paid, but I could tell she was overjoyed with it, since she wore it everyday since. Just as the jeweler said the pendants color changed over the years. On my daughter's 6th birthday it was the color of the sunset. Maybe he was right about it becoming more valuable as it aged as well. Mari and I passed it down to Rayne the day it turned deep red, like blood. That same day bandits attacked demanding I give them the 'blood amber'...Rayne was asleep in her room when the bandits came in and I repeatedly told them I didn’t know anything about it. Mari, hearing all the ruckus, came out from the back bedroom and stood at my side, also repeating she knew nothing of this blood amber. As the bandits ransacked my house the leader remained holding a knife to my wife saying if either of us did anything he would kill her. I had a gun in the drawer of my study about 15 feet away, but I feared that the moment I made any attempt towards it, or the key in my pocket to unlock the drawer containing it, the bandit would kill Mari.

I grew uneasy as one of the bandits went into my daughter's room holding a knife in his hand. I waited helpless, expecting a scream, but none came. After the longest 30 seconds of my life the bandit emerged from my daughter's room empty handed..."Nothing Boss...I looked everywhere." came his response. The Boss instructed his men to hold me still, as I watched Mari be murdered by his hands...Tears begun flooding my face blurring my vision as the 'Boss' cleaned his knife on his pants. Suddenly everything went black and I felt my body hit the floor hard...I could hear the bandits voices getting further and further away until I heard the front door slam. I looked down at my chest soaked in blood then I reached out for my wife, calling out to her in my last breath, as my senses faded to nothing...

{From now on Rayne 6 years old will narrate and things will be from her perspective}
Preface Part 2: Rayne's Tragedy

Normally I'd play hide and seek with my parents to make the worry when they wouldn't know where I was. After all, to most 6 year olds everything seem like a game. My favorite hiding place was in between the two mattresses of my bed. For some reason, my parents would never find me there. I could tell something was wrong when I heard my mother cry out in pain, and several loud crashing noises from the living room. Something inside me told me to hide, to stay away from there. Thats just what I did, I hid in my favorite spot hoping my mother and father would come into my room, calling my name, so I could spring out and shout "Here I am!!!" Several long minutes of silence passed, so I crawled out from in between the two mattresses and noticed that my room was torn apart, as if a tornado touched down while I was asleep. I slowly navigated through the debris of hardly recognizable toys and clothes, while holding the red heart tightly in my hand. I walked across the hall into my parents room to find it in worse shape then mine...The bed was leaned up against the wall, mother's and father's clothes where ripped apart and thrown everywhere. I called out for mother and father as I searched the room, but I couldn't find them among the mess. Scarred and crying I returned to the hallway and walked down the dark passageway calling for mother and father with each step.

As I walked into the living room I noticed the carpet was colored red and felt cold and wet as I walked... As I came around the side of father's favorite arm chair I noticed mother and father laying on the floor covered in red not moving at all. In father's hand was a piece of cloth with 3 kanji characters (sabyo-gangs name) written on it in red. I took it, along with the necklace my mother loved so much, and went outside to ask anyone for help. No one listened...telling me "go home kid"...I walked south along the main road still asking for help, but still not a single person listened to me. I headed outside the village and my stomach seemed to growl with each step. I came up to a big hill that seemed to touch the sky. The more I climbed the further away the top seemed to get. I finally reached the top and my body seemed to grow heavy and refused to move. Suddenly I felt my body falling uncontrollably to the ground. Just as I hit the warm sand of the road my senses faded and my sight went blank, as I slipped into a dreamless sleep.
{End of Preface}






User Comments: [8] [add]
Daigon the Twilight Being
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commentCommented on: Sun Jul 01, 2007 @ 07:57am
wow what happended to the parents is very sad


commentCommented on: Tue Jul 10, 2007 @ 03:16pm
whoa........you have awesome narrative skills!!! whee



arbados
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Ashlar DeLioncourt
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commentCommented on: Sun Jul 22, 2007 @ 01:00am
I love it......I am a writer myself I'll have to show you some of my work someday....I have even had one of my poems published


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commentCommented on: Wed Jul 25, 2007 @ 11:23am
your a really good writer. i can like visualize whats happening, as if it was a amine.
i just love they way u tell the story. it seems like this is a good story and i look foward to reading this story. 3nodding



Lovely Dirt x3
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Renovartio
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commentCommented on: Mon Feb 18, 2008 @ 11:46am
really good so far as i was sayin in last comment and if u read my profile my charecter has lived endless lives. and bcuz of this all my stroies idea's are about him but diffrent time periods and always diffrent storie lines bcuz he is not truely the same person every life he lives cuz the 1st part of each life he doesnt know who he truelly is. and bcuz he has such big history each life has exciting story bhind it. and again wounderful storiee so far


commentCommented on: Sun May 11, 2008 @ 02:09am
I like the ideas presented in the preface. Thes tory also sounds interesting.

I do see areas of improvement though. My advice is show more, and explain less. You could delve more into Rayne's fathers feelings as his house is dug into. Expand on the situation, get more into his pysche. Parts of it seemed to be explaining that he was sad or afraid, not showing that he is. From a first person perspective, it just sounds weird.

I do like the story so far though.



urstril
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Rayne-Onmi
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commentCommented on: Sun May 11, 2008 @ 03:51pm
Someday when i have some free time i'm going to revise all the chapters and add/delete/edit stuff as needed but it probably won't be for awhile since i'm back to double shifts at work again *cries* thank all of you for reading me story however rough it maybe. hehe. i started writing it about 2 years ago but about halfway though the first chapter I decided I didn't like the way it turned out so I abandoned it for awhile and forgot about it. Looking through some of my old folders and things I found those first few pages and decided to try and finish it.

I hope you all enjoy reading the rest of the chapters.

~Rayne~


commentCommented on: Sat May 24, 2008 @ 05:56pm
Okay I finished editing this chapter. Feel free to re-read it if you wish, but the main changes are the first paragraph which describes Mr. Onmi more indepth and the first paragraph after it switchs over to Raynes perspective. I describe the reasoning behind why Rayne hides in between the matresses of her bed and clearified a few things throughout this chapter. Feel free to give me any comments on how to further improve. Thanks again for all the support on this.

~Rayne~



Rayne-Onmi
Community Member
User Comments: [8] [add]
 
 
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