I still wonder how Chris is doing... I hope he's happy and has found someone he loves. I just wish I could know if he were happy or not... I'd give anything in the world to know that, and, if he was not happy, to give him my own happiness in turn.
...I just look back and see how horribly I've treated people and how, even though I had a rough time, I ended up so well. I shouldn't have... I want him to be happy, yet I'm the one getting married in the summer of 2010... And going around with my husband in the air force... something Chris said he used to want to do. I remember he used to want to be a pilot for the Air Force. I wonder if he still thinks about it at all? Probably not... it's hardly fair to him. I wish I could know... just know whether or not I've completely ruined a human being or not.
...but I can never ask him and I can never find out. I promised I wouldn't keep contact with him... I promised him that and I've held true to it, but it stills just kills me every once in a while not knowing if he ever found happiness...
haloisbymyhorns · Fri Jan 16, 2009 @ 01:33am · 0 Comments |