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sorry.. just giggling at messa little Surrah (good friend of mine named sarah whom we all call sir-ah) *chats for a bit with her* okay! so i haven't updated again for awhile... but IFy's magnificent randomness has inspired me... and i thought i had a lot of homework to do but i just checked and it's only math *dismissive hand gesture* psh, and who ever needs math in this world, eh? wink well let's see...was my last update really before school even started? well kick arse lol... well not really cuz that means a lot to update on that i don't EXACTLY all remember... well school's been goin' on since the beginning of September and all is well... keepin' up on homework and such...but still bombing on all of my tests... the new band director is okay... she's not a great teacher but we all get along with her pretty much... and this fall actually i got pulled into the pit orchestra for out high school's showing of Peter Pan... as IFfy said she was quite impressed that means a lot people! it's hard to impress her... this is the first play i've been involved in and it was a blast! i'm addicted now and i gotta be in the pit again before i graduate... it's A LOT of hard work and time and dedication and what not but it's sooo fun it like melted my brain out of my ears! XD about a month or 2 of preperation and we ended up doing 6 performances... sold out every night so our 5th show was actually an extra one... they all went smoothly and everything... pit did good, some shows were iffy but...still good.... more compliments than you could shake a stick at but we loved all of 'em *yawns* ... cast parties after every showing except one...and i went to every single one... they're a lot of fun... even with any drama that comes up... last night was our last showing and then at the end they showed a bloopers video and it was hilarious... then after bloopers it was clips of them learning how to fly (they actually flew people in from NY to teach parents how to run the zipwire thingy so their kids could fly in the play!!!) and a lot of people cried because it was the last musical they were going to be in before they graduated and such... i even got emotional cuz i'm sad now that all the practices are gonna be done and i'm gonna miss everyone that i made new friends with! well anyway... that's the school part... as far as boys... *sigh* lol... ze benji checks in every 2 months or so... the poor kid has a job now where he's like nocturnal so it's hard to catch him when he's awake XD...but our last conversation is something i secretly think of at least once a week... it was a very meaningful conversation to me for some reason *Shrug* but i love to think about it every now and then... makes me feel good inside... so things are good with him... and we're still very close when we DO get the chance to talk lol... *Gets a warm fuzzy feeling knowing that we still fall asleep on the phone together* XP sooo i don't think i mentioned my summer guys in my last post besides the bj one XD!!! *lurves upon drew* ... well i met this guy named eric and Captain Albel Nox (gaia name *not gonna say his real name case if he kills me XD! *) and it was odd... cuz me and nox semi-fell for each other but he had a gf and so i slowly gave up on him and really liked eric and then all at once nox didn't have a gf and wanted me and so did eric so it was my decision...and i changed my mind at least 4 times (crushing both in the process *beats self* gonk ) and both said they'd stil have me...and i ended up choosing nox ... whom i've been dating now for almost a month (next tuesday) but it's so distant to be dating him cuz it's hard to ever catch each other online and yada yada yada ya know? and idk if he'll read this... but he's got this really close friend that's a girl and i know he doesn't like her like THAT ... but i definately think she comes before me and i hate that... i know she was there before me for like thee longest time... but it's hard to always hear about only her and such and *le sigh* sweatdrop and throughout this whole musical process i fell for captain hook, or rather, the guy playing captain hook wink ... and he seemed to like me back and then at one of the cast parties WOOPS i met his GF!!! scream *pulls at hair* i just have CRAP LUCK with guys lately right? and then of course the a** that i had to LOSE IT TO! randomly calls me and i'm forced to turn him down and such no matter how much physicallness i want at the time... *big yawn, wonders if this is longer than iffy's was* so idk... it's all ******** up right now... i'm on the verge of leaving nox but i don't want to cuz i really do care about him... i mean ... i love him so much but he's never there and can't give me what i need and bleh... and i'm DIEING to have a bf in person for the first time in almost 2 years and i thought i would with Kyle now (captain hook is kyle) but he's been with this gf for almost 9 months... *Rubs face* i love you nox, idk what i'm to do anymore, i don't know my place lately.....*loves all who reads these*

sorry i'm kinda leaving it all unclosed but i've lost all train of thought now

grades plummeting

guys are confusing

gonna miss the play

car has completely failed me and almost killed me (died on the railroad tracks the other day while a train was comming)

deer hunting this weekend... i'm exhausted...


and still.....

this is the happiest i've been in awhile...




Only time will tell...

'till next time...

- heart Kay