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Okay, hey, wow, Ryoko even commented in my last entry...heh...glad people still check in on this every once in awhile...So, the title? It's really the topic I chose to write a paper on for an Optional Reaction for my Literature and Life class(but I'll get to that after a bit)...(yes, I still heart the ....'s* Okay, so! Um, what's new? My god, it's only been forever. Jeebus! It was November last update...let's see, Thanksgiving and Xmas were wonderful though I didn't get as much as I asked for. blaugh Especially a darn car! >_< While we're on that subject, the thing has been in the shop at LEAST 20 times since I have owned it...The last time we put it in he gave up and said, "I'd say just sell it, cause I have no idea what's causing it to die so much". So, I went and got it and thought I'd give it another shot. Oddly enough it's been working perfectly for the last 2-3 weeks now...The New Year brought me no resolutions, but it did bring me a new boyfriend. Nox and I faught pretty steadily any chance we even got to talk and it was always about how unsure I was about staying with him, I'd rather not go through everything that happened, but it was bad, horrible and I've never felt so worse in my life. We called it off for good and seemed to have tension 'till only about a week ago and now we're on good speaking terms and are both happily with other people. My luck has braught me back Briton. I've known him as long as I've known Benji and always had that little crush on him and his charm but then he was gone for near a year, I thought about him often but not constantly since I was so in love with Benji. heart He showed back up late January, early February of the new year (me and Benji had been apart for quite awhile by then) and we started talking constantly. I even convinced myself to start calling him (right at the end of Nox and I) and after just 2 nights of talking on the phone I felt like I was falling in love with him (apparently he felt the same way (I could tell a little) and told me 2 days before Vday)...Nox and I weren't working so we split like I said earlier. It was the day before Valentine's day and Briton and I were on the phone (Remember 2 hour time difference here) and I told him to wake me up 2 a.m. (midnight there, so at 2 it would technically be Vday for both of us) and so he did and my gift to him was myself if he wanted me, which he did. XD heart So I've been happily in love, each day, more and more since Valentine's Day with Briton. heart Though I lose all the sleep I need, he's worth it...*le sigh* Alright, what else? I joined Jazz Band and officially can play *counts* 5 insturments, but for Jazz I play the Tenor Sax...I LOVE it!!! It's so much fun but I HATE that the class is zero hour and starts at 7:20. gonk This second semester as far as school work I'm doing really well too! I have all A's and B's...which is...HUGE!! I haven't had all A's and B's, since like, fecking 5th grade or something! I'm so proud of myself. And! I'm taking Psychology, it is THEE best class I've taken yet. I love it and I think I really want to be a Psychologist for sure, maybe some Journalism on the side when I graduate college and whatnot! Okay...Um, I still work at the hotel as a proffessional cleaner wink but I don't get paid NEAR enough and NEVER EVER get to work... *last ever reminded me of a comedian thingy* (if you ever get the chance to, check out Bryan Regan, he's freaking hilarious) But, oh well, the summer hours are really good though the pay still sucks XD. Hmmm, oh, Iffy and I aren't friends anymore, I guess... because I had this feeling...well, I'm not going to post that on the internet. >_O I think it's rather stupid now that I think about it and that we just threw away something really important in both of our lives, but, whatever she wants, I guess... Um, hmm... *le sigh* Kyle and I, gah, I don't know where to start...we were really hardcore for awhile. >_O And I loved it cause I thought I'd finally get him to break up with his gf for me but he's stubborn on it and just cheated on her instead! Gah! *pulls at hair* I don't know, we haven't been the same since...We just flirt and stuff now in school but don't hang out anymore, I miss it, but I know if we start up again that bad things will happen and I CAN NOT do that to Briton... *sighs, trying to think of anything else* The guy I lost it to and I were seeing each other every once in awhile, but only for that reason which I kinda regret now...Benji and I talk a bit more frequently now and I really miss him! I wanna see him again really bad but he's gettin' things together again and movin' out and everything, I'm really proud of him. He even left Pixie, which really makes me happy cause I always thought that she was kinda bad for him. >_O Either that or it could be jealousy talkin'. Right, still can't get my writing back up and going either...I try but it only resulted in about 20 unfinished poems laying miscellaniously around. XD Oh well, maybe that was a long phase and I'm burnt out now... Overall I've been pretty happy and good lately, despite some of the really hard parts of the last 5 months. That's about it...But now, to the title...Here's the journal entry I wrote for an optional reaction for that class:

-Title-
So, I wake up every morning at about 10 to 7, usually in a good mood cause it's a new day and I can make it good if I wish. It's all how you percieve it, no? So, once I'm awake everything usually runs rather smoothly and each day is good unless if like, a friend or grade or something upsets me. But, usually (like I keep saying) my days are all rather well,...at school. But I have this weird feeling thing. Every day as soon as I step into my house, it's like, WHAM! I don't want to be talked to or even be aknowledged! I don't know what it is. Some days I think it's just cause I've been living in the same area with the same people for too long and I'm just yearning to be on my own, but that's not like me, cause I'm scared out of my mind when I think about trying to support myself, keep a job, still find time for the people I love AND go to college. I don't know, but for the last wekk as soon as I get home, I don't want to exist...


I don't know what's going on, but I mean, I love life and everything in it, everyday...Just lately I've been really irritable...(could be my period, I suppose wink ) XD! I don't know...it's becoming very hard to talk to my parents again about anything...and my friends and I fight about the stupidest things lately...And, I REALLY hate to admit it, but for like, the past 2 weeks, I've really wanted to start smoking (sorry, Briton). I haven't, but it's like, I've been craving to. I've never smoked ANYTHING before in my life, but I want to start cigarettes for some reason, but I know I wont...I can't, not even try it. >_O Bleh, I'll be fine, eh? 3nodding Take it easy world and smoke one for meh. wink

-Kay heart