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Wow, last March? Has it really been 7 months? Guess so, well Benji's asked me twice now to update this thing so I suppose I will. *hiccup* There's a lot to cover, wow...Okay, so April, uhhh that would beeee our band trip to Washington - OH WAIT! Before that, good news everyone. I will no longer ever have a car that stalls out on the fecking railroad tracks when a train is coming. wink About a week before I was to leave for my trip my dad took me out this guys house to look at a car one day after work, I believe it was a Saturday, yea. So we get there, and the car is a 1996 Ford Mustang with a V-6 engine and blah blah blah, really good condition for a 10 year old car, really good... so we took it for a little drive and I really liked it, at the time the only thing I didn't like was how touchy the steering wheel is (like a go-cart's steering) and I didn't like that it rides pretty rough on the road.uuhh so, yea, my dad seemed really interested in it and I could afford it (Dad and I would split the cost and it was 3500) So we talked about it alot and my dad said we could probably get it if the insurance wasn't gonna be too high, so I wanted to know when he'd know by and he said in a couple days...so the next day I'm at work and I saw my mom's truck drive by and with my imagination I was HOPING that that was my mom and dad going to get the car to surprise me with but I found out later that my mom was just going into work to drop off some books and stuff...so that night I ragged on my dad, begging and telling him how much I wanted and deserved this car (I felt kinda bad too though cause my mom's been dying for a mustang since she was my age XD) So then like, Monday my dad went on a 2 day hunting trip I think..yea...then it was like, Wednesday and there was this thing on my dad's computer at his work that he wanted me to get off so I went ot his office after school and uninstalled it and I was JUST leaving...JUUUST leaving and I glanced down at his desk and I saw 2 Ford Mustang keys sitting there...I was so happy I practically started crying, my throat got all tight and I was teary eyed and my dad was on his cell phone so I just pick up the keys and twirled 'em around my finger and looked at him with the BIGGEST grin I think I'll have have. XD He just kinda bit his lower lip like, "I don't know what you're talking about." XD rolleyes It was great so when he got off the phone it was like, "something you wanna tell me daddy?" and he was like, "don't look in the garage" so of course I ran out to his office's garage and there was my new baby, a beautiful forest green mustang, all for me...*sighs all heavenly like* So I had to wait another day so that he could get license plates on it and get it all cleaned up for me then I got to drive it for a couple days before we left on our band trip. Lol, the first thing I started missing was my car too, not even my mom or anything. XD Alright, I'm leaving a lot of stuff out too...Uhh...I think 2 weeks before this Kyle and I started dating again, I think last entry I said we were but then he changed his mind but then I can't remember what all happened but we were dating again. XD So I was gone for a week and we went to Washington D.C. which I REALLY liked, it's beautiful and clean there but it was kinda boring at the same time, and really hot! Then after a few days there we went up to NYC, we stayed in uhhh...Brooklyn? I think...I don't remember...the hotel was shitty as hell there but oh well, it was better then sleeping and not being able to shower on the bus. So we stayed there, I enjoyed my roommates and we did a crap load of walking during the day but we did all the tours and stuff, statue of liberty, ground zero, radio music city hall, karnage hall and stuff, that one mall with the ice rink thingy was pretty cool. By the time we went home everyone was ready to, so it was nice trip, maybe not quite enough time to do everything we wanted to but it was fun shopping in time square and stuff, no one got hurt or got in trouble or anything, it was a good trip, but I was happy to be back home to my own bed, new boyfriend and new car. XD So Kyle and I were good for about a month and then - wait... maybe we didn't break up before ... yea, nevermind abou taht up there! XD We had been together for awhile I guess AND THEN I went on my trip yea, cause now what I'm about to say is when we DID break up. XD We were good up untill about the middle of May, we decided to go to prom together and stuff then a week before prom, like a day after I got my dress he broke up with me, the little whore. XD So I was pissy and I told him we were still going together...I ignored him for a good 2 days then kidnapped him one day after school and we drove around for about an hour or 2 in my car and just talked, it was really nice cause I usually can't communicate with him as well as we did. So we talked about him leaving me for his ex again and how he felt about all of this and blah blah blah, right? Right. So the next day he told me he decided he wasn't gonna go right back to her. So, I was happy, I had a single prom date again and we were kinda seeing each other without officially being bf, gf. So we went to prom and it was SO MUCH BETTER THAN LAST YEAR! XD! We left prom early to go hang at his house for about an hour before we had to get on the bus to go to post prom party so, a lot happened at his house and it made me feel a lot closer to him and he made me feel like he really did care about me. Yes, stuff happened and it was amazing cause well, he's really good at sexual things, plus, it was couple of my firsts so it made 'em really good at the time. XD wink So then we went to post prom and it was okay, we played pool and foosball and whatnot, ate a lot, it was good... SO we saw each other almost every day of the summer, he was happy to be graduated and turn 18, he got a lot of money from graduation and stuff but he doesn't plan on going to college for awhile, if ever. rolleyes Uhh, let's see...so yea, we hung out almost everyday...I was totally falling for him, it wasn't like, true love to me though, but I really liked how I felt towards him, but I guess I never realized untill lately just how not good he was for me...I mean, every night I was at HIS house untill like 3 in the morning, I'd sneak out all the time to go see him, I'd drive all the way across town everyday for him, I baught him things and he never really respected me, never complimented me, I mean, he's not really THAT kind of guy but I think he could've treated me quite a bit better than he did, he was never really violent with me but things would get rough very easily and I had a lot of bruises from him and he'd always say it wasn't his fault...blah blah, okay so I'm not gonna talk about it anymore, overall I thought I was happy, but really I wasn't. But, stupid me, I continued to chase him untill he finally said he's be with me again at the end of July, i think it was, yea. So we were dating again for about a month...During that month Ben and I started talking every night again on the phone and I fell back in love with him, not as fast as before, but a lot harder...he'd changed and I loved every tiny thing about him...I always felt I was kind of cheating on Kyle with him, but at the same time it wasn't real cheating, I guess... I don't know... I was becoming detatched from Kyle even if I was seeing him every day...I know now that I should have left him a lot sooner than I did...but it was hard, I finally had someone that was there to hold me, to kiss me every day but it wasn't as good for me as I thought it'd be, all of my friends hated him and I felt bad always ditching them for him and whatnot, he didn't like them either and so that sucked...but he had me addicted...I was hooked on him and couldn't let go no matter how much I wanted to...We even faught all the time but I didn't care, I guess...THen a week before September he told me he was quiting his job and moving to the cities for a better job that his uncle had waiting for him and so he could get out of the house as well...I was pissed, even though a part of me was really happy that it would end...We both agreed that we'd break up...Since I knew that now we started fighting a lot more frequently about little things...So about a week before he was supposed to leave we got in a big fight and I sat outside his house by my car crying for an hour before I finally text him and said "why don't we just end this now" and so it happened....I didn't see him or talk to him for about 5 days then I caved and called him...I told him I wanted to see him before he left and asked if he'd take me back, he wouldn't take me back but he agreed to hang out one day after school so taht day came and it was totally awkward, I ran his errands with him and then we just sat downstairs and watched t.v., total silence sucks..there was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to do but the tension kept me silent...it was about time to go before he started flirting and trying to get close to me again, it got me mad so we physically faught...he never faught me with his fists or anything, but pinning and wrestling around was a lot harder than normal this time, i didn't mind the last time I guess cause I was just as rough back but I was pretty sore after that last fight. @_@ I know I shouldn't have let it, but things happened after that and I left it at that...I went home and 2 days later he moved...I haven't seen him now for 2 months and I've talked to him very little, I never call him, he always calls me and he's admitted that he misses me and wishes he would've treated me differently...
Anyway! I'm gonna go to the happier stuff, okay?! XD I saved up hardly anything last summer so I don't have much in the bank, school's started and I feel like such a slacker cause I only ahve like, 2 classes that I actually do work in. XD I'm currently doing 4 different bands, so I'm like, a hard core band geek now, but I can't get enough of music... Umm all through september I've been talking to Benji and for about 2 weeks it was some of the roughest stuff I've gone through with him, it's not my place to say exactly what's happening with him, but for 2 weeks solid I hardly slept, ate or functioned properly...i was crying 90% of the time for him and I was worried shitless about him...things got a better and we talked about dating again even though he had feelings for 2 other girls at the same time as he did for me... One night on the phone he asked me to come see him and obviously I couldn't, no cash and no time no matter how much I wanted to... So I said I couldn't but if he wanted he could come up here, and we always say that to each other so I didn't think it would play out but 2 weeks later I was picking him up from the train station at 4 in the morning...It was a lot easier to talk to my dad about it this time, he okayd it and even said that ben could stay at our house...so for 3 days I went to school and ben stayed at home bonding with my dad...with MYYYYY dad...it's a miracle, I think. wink heart but it happened, I'd come home everyday to the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with and it was perfect. It was soooo good to see him again, to be comfortable right away with kissing him again and being able to look into his eyes...his perfect blue eyes...I'm teary eyed just thinking about how wonderful I felt knowing that at 2:30 every day I had the love of my life waiting for me in my room. I felt bad that he had to stay at home all day long but I guess it was okay since he hung out with my dad alot and whatnot...anyway, even if you're not dying to know, i'm gonna tell you that, yes, we had sex.. XD 3 times!!! and it was like........@___________@ ....... that...that's what it was like. XD The first time we got caught by one of the guys that works for my dad plus he's one of my dad's best friends so I was TOTALLY worried that he'd tell my dad but he was cool about it and said he didn't see anything. rofl Anyway, then it was MEA break from Thursday till Sunday so we all went up to the cabin to get in some good last days of grouse hunting, the hunting sucked and we hardly saw anything and it was FREEZING cold and both Benji and I got really sick but it was totally worth it...at night we'd sit downstairs by the woodstove to keep warm and just watch each other...I can't describe how wonderful it was having him there ... actually sitting there, right in front of me where I could LOOK at him and tell him how much he means to me and be able to touch him whenever I wanted to.. *swoon* Okay, okay, so you get it was great, right? XD It was really hard to say goodbye to him on Sunday and I was really sad to see him go but I realized it's better to see him leave after a week of living with him than to not have seen him at all...so I've been cool about it again now, of course I miss him like crazy EVERY day, but it was such an amazing time with him it just gives me more to look forward to in the future with him. EGAHD! THE BEST PART!! A day or 2 before he came up I asked him out on the phone and he said yes but then I got all unsure about it and he kept asking exactly what I wanted and I realized that I wanted him but only when he was sure that he wanted to be with me and only me for good and I wanted him to ask ME out when he was ready... I didn't think taht would happen for a long time so I was totally not expecting it but I was tucking him Monday night when he was here and I layed down with him for a couple of minutes and he asked me out guys!!! HE ASKED ME OUT!! XD And if you can't figure out what I said then you're retarded!! XD So, yea, we've been dating since the 16th now and I love him more and more each day...true love, I KNOW I want to spend the rest of my life with him for sure this time. *sigh* Okay.xD So, now the everyday stuff. Since like, the middle of September we've been practicing for the fall musical again which is Thoroughly Modern Millie this year and I'm in the pit orchestra again, the music is crazy hard but REALLY fun... so, I've been busy with that alot, I think I've only worked once since school's started and my pay checks have only been 20 some dollars. We have our first show this Thursday and everyone's really stressed from all the practices we've been doing lately and stuff but we're also all really excited to see how it turns out. Uhhh, this last Saturday, yesterday, actually, I took the ACTs so I'm really anxious to see how I did and if it'll be good enough to get accepted to one of my college choices... Speaking of colleges I've looked at a couple so far and I have a pretty good idea which ones I"m interested most in. Okay, so random things I'm suddenly remembering, I talked to Ben's mom one night on the phone for an hour and a half, I met this guy in person that I've known online for awhile when I went ot look at a college that he lives by, uh, Crissy stayed with us that weekend and it was a blast...okay, I think that was all the random things...yea..so, looked at colleges, talked to Benji about maybe going to AZ for college but if I do it probably wont be 'till my 3rd or 4th year...uhh, this next summer I plan on living down there with him for a month before I go to college, IF I go to college right away next fall.. uhh, our football team did good this year but just dropped out of the running last night when they lost the semi-finals or something which was a bummer cause I really wanted to go to the Fargo dome once with the pepband. XD Been staying good friends with everyone again though some of them are starting to get on my nerves and others I miss cause I don't have many classes with them. (sorry this is all out of order now I'm just htinking of things that are popping into my head. XD) uhhh... oh! IF and I officially hung out for 5 minutes, thanks to Benji. XD She wanted to see him Sunday before he left so we zipped over to her house to hang out for a bit and it was really good to see her again, we even talked on the phone for like, half an hour a couple nights before that to catch up a bit and let her talk to ben... umm, my geanie pig, Oreo, died a couple weeks ago, we've already gotten snow but then it warmed back up, I got one grouse this year and went to the cabin a lot... I LOVE BEN SOOOOOOOO MUCH!! XD I'm= supposed to be doing my homework...I don't know what else, I haven't been on here really at all lately with all the pit I'm doing.. This weekend we have a couple performances and deer hunting on some new land that we leased this year, I'm totally stoked... aaannnndd suddenly my head has gone blank...OH...NEXT weekend Kyle is coming up to visit. .___. I was worried at first, cuase it's kind of like my first "will I cheat on Ben again" test...but I'm not going to...I'm really not going to, I WAS worried cause everytime I talk to Kyle he talks as if he's got a challenge now and wants to break me but I'm not gonna, I don't want anyone but Ben. I said only a hug and maybe a kiss on the cheek will be allowed but I see no reason to have a kiss on the cheek if there's nothing between us anymore...either way, I'm kinda excited to see him again cause I've missed him a little and he's always a fun person to hang out with, so yep! Now that's all I think...My wrist's been f'd up lately but I believe that to be from all the writting I've done in the last couple days (ACT and a 13 page long journal entry @_@) aaannnd from how much I've been playing my clarinet lately cause I put a lot of pressure down on just my right thumb and it bends that wrist the whole time so I've had it aced for a couple days now...hmm, I believe I mentioned deer hunting this weekend, I'm excited...performances, next week is performances and Kyle's coming up to hang out... that should be about it...after that is a band concert then sausage making weekend and then thanksgiving....So I'm kinda crammed untill about December, but then hockey starts!! ^_^ Can't wait to go to games again...alright, I can't even imagine how long this is but it must be really long cause I'm typoing all over the place and that only happens when I've been typing like mad for a long time. XD So! If I've forgotten something that I remember in the next couple of days and I have time I'll throw it into a new entry or else Gaia is blocked on our school computer's or I'd probably update during my 2nd hour. XD Love all of you that still read this and sorry if this has put you to sleep! Hope you're well and I'll try to update a little more frequently then 7 months! Toodles for now my chicabees!

- heart Kay