This weekend I had some time to think about it, even though I'm 19 most of the time I act like a child and it's kind of made me wonder if I will ever truly be a complete person.
They all grew up faster than me. My friends, and it's almost as though they leave me behind when the important stuff comes. A part of me that's ashamed of who I am is awake now and try as I might I can't be any different. I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times, I wish I was a little colder, or a little wiser, a little more like an adult.
I get along with children just fine, but with certain older people it's a whole different story, they look at me in a way that makes me think I'm doing something wrong and I don't see exactly what; whereas my sister has the amazing faculty of getting along just fine with both children and adults. I envy her, in a good way because I also adore her.
There are days when I feel great, but today is not one of those days, when I am upset and someone talks to me it's like they've always got the right words. But when someone I really care for is upset or going through some rough times I can never seem to find words that are good enough, even though I really really wish I could. I feel like I'm hiding behind some kind of mask that is a part of me at the same time, as though maybe I try a little too much, or maybe I don't try enough. I can't tell.
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