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I guess it just has to be said cuz its bothering the s**t out of me.
I feel further and further away from Brittney everyday hah.
There's no words I can really say, you know?
To help that sort of grief. Because I haven't gone through it.

And I know she needs Kyle more than me at this moment.
Kyle > Paige.
That really bothers me, even though its expected.

I just kinda feel like a faux friend.
Everyone who lived down there with her > Paige.
I guess that's to be expected too haha.

I feel horrible about all that though cuz dude wtf her mom died.
And her I am feeling horrible and jealous all over stupid a** people.
I guess its because I feel like I can't DO anything.
Still makes me a bad person haha.

At least I know what I am.

Connor would probably say "Paige you're being stupid."
I wonder if thats his remedy to his problems "This is stupid."
But its not.
Its a serious issue - cuz I miss her so much. But I don't want to come across as "hey im jelly of evry1 else, gimmie atten. even thou ur mom died. kthx"
I mean I'm sad her mom died. I loved her mom.
But I just miss Brittney so much. And Ryan.

Life just feels like a daze still.
I think I might lose myself at this party.
Hopefully I won't go too far like I did last summer ahah.
Pretty sure I won't.

There's so much I wanna do.
I wanna see Zak and Connor.
I wanna see Kait.
I wanna see Brittney.
I hate picking between people.
I guess I've already seen Connor twice.
And I don't really want to bother his family by being all 'can I stay @ ur house pl0x?'
It may not be a very good idea seeing him again anyway haha.

I promised Kait I'd see her.
And she hold promises to you like crazy.
But at the sametime I feel obligated to see Brittney.
I feel weird about going down there right now.
I'm always pushing Brittney, trying to make her show that I mean something to her.
Its just hard now because of Kyle.
She's the type of person who needs a boyfriend, who needs someone to hold her.

So I'll pretty much always be second. P:
I guess I'm frustrated that I'm not number one to anyone anymore.
Oh here's Paige, the sad little puppy.
Haha.
******** that s**t.

I'll just go on floating through life.