Like I didn't see that coming. Still, it isn't all that fun....
My parents don't trust me anymore. I suppose that they have a good reason and all, but still. I mean, just because I denied doing it initially....Come on, was she just expecting me to blurt it out? Who just says "Yes mom, I took a scissors to myself" when their parents ask?
They're being kind of persistant about it too. Like 'what were you thinking that night', and 'how were you feeling'. Stuff like that. That whole night is really hazy now, so I really don't know. They don't believe me though - doubt they will for a long, long time.
Why can't they understand that I don't want to talk about it, to remember? I feel so ashamed, I just want to forget it ever happened, but the marks on my arm and my parent's glances remind me every day that something has changed. Dad seems more....distant since it happened. Now, when I need him, he pulls away. Maybe it's just my imagination.... At least, I hope so.
It's my first day of school tomorrow, since the incident. I have just 71/2 more days left of school, and I'm done with eighth grade. Kinda scary....And I'm worried about tomorrow. What if someone notices? Chiefly Laura, but she's grown so distant lately, too. It....hurts. I don't know why she's pulling away, but she won't confide in me anymore. Maybe she shouldn't have to, and maybe it's none of my business, but at least she could tell me so! Instead of saying nothing, shrugging a reply instead of talking.....walking to her class without a good morning. I asked her about it on wednesday, I think it was, and she shrugged and said, 'Yeah, I guess I have. I'm sorry." Or something like that, and that was it. And then a quick hug on thursday, before she left for the weekend. If I hadn't called out to her, I think she would have just left. With no goodbye. Am I wrong to feel a little hurt? Am I being too sensitive? Did I do something that made her not want to be friends with me anymore, did I betray her trust? I'm so confused....
And Laura, if you're reading this, please - In no way should you blame yourself for what happened; It couldn't have been your fault. 'Kay?
But I'll see how tomorrow goes. If anyone notices/starts asking too many questions, if I pass out in P.E., and if anything has improved at school.
Signin' off,
Roo.
PS
I'll update tomorrow and write how it went.
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The Z-Files!
Zed for Something starting with Zed. I dunno. It sounded cool. Anyway. Things here that I want to save, rants, updates, etc. Yeah......
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