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Another Essay/Short Story (it counts as both in my world) |
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This'll get annoying after a while, but I will be putting these on here for a while, so you guys can tell me what I need to fix. That way, I'll be a better writer and do well on my test, which means a better shot at getting into the college of my choice on a scholarship or something.
The writing prompt on this one was something about a personal savior or hero or how someone can change your life. Something like that. This one also earned me a 4 (out of 4). Once again, I don't think it's that great. But I am hard on myself when it comes to writing, so there you go.
And just so you know, anything in (...) is Japanese, unless stated otherwise.
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One day, a young man of eighteen was sitting on a tree branch, his back against the trunk, one leg pulled up to his chest with his arms resting on his knee, while the other dangled lazily on his right. He'd tied back his waist-length onyx hair with a thin white leather trace, anticipating the cool evening breeze when he'd climbed to the top of the tree late that afternoon.
Closing his eyes, he sighed. 'How did I end up here?' he wondered to himself. Indeed, how did a person with a past as bloody as his own come to be living in such peaceful surroundings?
It was a miracle he'd even lived as long as he had. When he was five, his father, an emperor, his mother, an empress, and his two year old sister had been murdered. His mother had asked him to go outside and play while she took care of the sick little girl.
"Don't worry so much about your little sister, Fumetsu-kun," his mother said with a smile as the boy had leaned over the cradle. "She'll be fine. Tell you what. How about you go outside and I'll call you in when she wakes up."
"Okay!" Fumetsu leaned over and gently kissed his tiny sister's cheek. "Get better for your oniichan (big brother), okay?" He ran to the door before glancing back. "I'll be back later, okaasan! (mother) Tell outousan (father) I'll be back in time for my training!" Then he waved and slid outside into the cool mountain air. He left his kind mother, sweet sister, and driven father on the estate while he went to his mother's garden in the woods on the other side of the stream.
And, three hours later, came home to a gruesome bloodbath.
"Mama...? Baba...? M-Meimei...!!!" (Chinese for mother, father, little sister) he cried out as he caught sight of their mangled bodies. He fell to his knees, then noticed that the floor was wet. He lifted his hand and saw the blood. "Chi...kurochi...shi no chi!" (Blood...black blood...blood of death!) he managed to scream before he dissolved into tears and muttering in Chinese and broken Japanese.
It had been thirteen years since that tragic day, and ten of those years had been dedicated to an assassin's life. Until he'd built up his skill and reputation, he'd had to lie, cheat, steal, and kill to stay alive.
But for the last three of those thirteen years, he'd been living with his friend at a temple, where his friend was the head priest.
He had no clue why he'd been drawn here, why he felt compelled to stay. Maybe it was-
"Fumetsu-kun!"
The man in the tree looked down, his gaze landing on the priest, two years his junior. With the sun setting at his back, the young priest's golden orange hair gleamed in the fading light, his pale orange eyes glinting in quiet amusement as his sun-colored robes billowed in the gentle breeze.
In turn, the young priest observed his friend, with loose strands of onyx hair swaying in front of emerald green eyes, which shone with untold pain in the last rays of light.
"Taiyoo-kun." Fumetsu slid out of the ancient cherry tree, landing silently on the grass before it. As Taiyoo grinned, Fumetsu realized why he stayed. Taiyoo was his reason. His guiding light in a never-ending night.
When they started back, Fumetsu whispered, "Taiyoo...?"
"Hai?" the Japanese priest answered when they paused by the koi pond.
"Arigatou... Without you, I'd still be an assassin, forever wandering in eternal darkness. Thank you...for offering to me the hand that pulled me out from the blood, from the pain and fear. Thank you for giving me my life back. My hero, my knight in shining armor. My savior."
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Yeah... This one sucks too, in my opinion. Once again, I'd like to know what you think I should work on, that way my test is easier. One of these days, I'm only gonna post one of these for fun, not because I think my skill needs work before it goes before a panel of university professors for grading.
 Lady Blood Rain · Fri Jul 14, 2006 @ 04:16am · 0 Comments |
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