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The Door That Refuses To Close... |
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I dated this guy last year. He'd been a friend of mine for about a year and id fallen very deeply in love with him with no chance of getting back out.
One day, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Given the circumstances, I of course, said yes. We dated for a month and...5 days. I'd let myself get closer to him and further with him than i had with any guy before, and than i have since him. I heard from my best friend that he said he wasnt dating me, so i called and asked him what was going on. He told me that he wasnt sure why we were going out in the first place....that hed only dated me because someone had told him something that made him want to be with me. (in other words, one of my "friends" told him i was in love with him, and had been for quite some time) So, we broke up. I was devastated, but went to school the next day with head held high, never letting him know just how much he hurt me. its been about 6 months now since he ended. Today, he told me that he wants "In the deepest depths of [his] heart to tell [me] something, but [he doesnt] think [he's] deserving enough to tell [me] this." Thats what he said. Because we were so close as friends and as lovers, i know what he wants to say. Its obvious when i look at him that hes going to tell me hes fallin in love with me, or something closely related to that. I told him that i dont know if I can trust him after what he did to me, and hes asked me out several times this school year. Hes always putting his arma round me in the halls... The thing is...I still love him, so much. But I dont know if I can trust him again. I forgive him for what he did, and a part of me wants nothing more than to be with him, and to give him a second chance. But then, the part of me that is rational is screaming no, that he'll only hurt me again. so my heart wants him, but my head doesnt. I just...dont know what to do. Im so damned confused, and ill see him in the morning...
He's going to expect me to talk to him the way I did today, and I don't know what Im going to say or do. I love him so much, but I'm so afraid. What do I do?
 Beautiful.x.Nightmare · Wed Sep 20, 2006 @ 01:03am · 0 Comments |
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