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Aye, it's crazy. Looking back, I cant understand why I let myself love so easily. That's what always gets me hurt, gets my heart broken. It's the people who are only with me to relieve some pain of their own that hurt me, and yet theyre the people I always seem to gravitate towards. What is it that makes me that way? When i was young, my father abused me. It's all Ive ever known, though in the last five years, my parents have gotten divorced and Im with a step-dad who loves me like his own. I dont know, but maybe, just maybe that's what makes me this way. Really, I suppose it isnt a bad thing, but the depth with which I love makes it difficult to see reality, and makes it difficult to escape when I need to. But then again, that could be the submissive side of me as well. *sighs* speaking of which, I have already managed to piss off and upset my Master. I was making more than one RPC...apparently that isn't good. It would seem that he wants me to see him as my Master, not one of many masters. And that makes sense. I mean, I know there's no excuse for that degree of disloyalty, but...well, I guess I didn't want to give up hope, but that I had no faith put in this 'relationship'. None of the other so-called-masters had a clue what they were doing. None of them gave a damn, and within a week or two it turned into them ignoring me completely, and not talking to me unless I went to them and begged for their attention. It pissed me off, and it hurt a bit, what amount I let it. But this Master...he's different. He's the only master ive had who deserves to be called such. And though i didn't have any faith that this 'relationship' would satisfy me, it seems to be. He's a better Master than anyone else, and I feel rather ashamed that I had so little faith at first. Sitting in a cage, it all seemed like a joke at first, like a game, on both his level and mine. But things are taking a different turn, and not a bad one. So again, Master, I am sorry. You have my loyalty, if you are reading this.
 Beautiful.x.Nightmare · Fri Dec 01, 2006 @ 02:41pm · 0 Comments |
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