Life is full of to much pain that I can no longer feel my own feelings anymore. I can no longer see things the correct way, it is all blurry and black and white to me now. The pain covers my life with so much blood that I can no longer dig myself out anymore by trying to sit around and relax. Men cause most of this pain and I am not going to list who all these men are exactly because I do not want you people herrassing them at all, because you will make it more complicated for me. They are trying to all rip me into shreds by causing me all this drama that is to overwhelming for my mind to take in right now. It hurts so much to think about it because it all comes rushing at once.
One guy wants to date me just to have sex with me. He just doesnt care that I like him a lot, because to him all I am is something else he can bang and probly get pregnant. I am not going to let that happen to me though because i am proud of myself right now and I dont want that to go away at all. It has been a year since i have done anything sexual with a guy and he expected me to do stuff with him like 2 days ago and we are not even dating even though he did ask me. Problem is, is that he is an ex-boyfriend and those do not end to well no matter what so I have to say screw him.
The second guy likes me a whole lot and I like him a whole lot back but he is to old and my parents would defiantly kill me for dating him even though I dated a guy who is 19, but he is 20 I think and is very nice and totally cute. I do not go for looks though he has the best personality I could ask for. I just have kind of the same problem with him as well. He likes to have sex a whole lot and I do not want to give it up agian. I want to stay clean till I get married and that is my goal I am setting for myself. I like him alot but I just dont think it would actually work between me and him though.
Third guy is one you all remember. But I sitll love him only problem ism is that he is barely talking to me and is always with my best friend and I think they are dating behind my back. I dont know if they are but I hope not because then that wouldnt have been a good friend and a good best friend (him). But I lvoe him dearly and I do not know what to do with him anymore. He confuses me so much these days I dont know what to do anymore.
Fourth guy is a sweet nice man that i never knew I would actually fall inlove with while I was with someone else. We are fighting alot more lately and he broke the most special promise someone has ever made to me. When he broke it though my feelings had to be locked up like I have been doing for some other people. Sounds easy right? Well it is actually really hyard. Takes alot of slow songs like 'Lips of an Angel' By Hinder and alot of crying and writing. Just the fact is he broke it and is trying to get with another girl who has been denying him for about a full month now and he just will not give up. It kills me but he just wont listen to me so I just give up on it now. I dont know what to do with him it is confusing.
Fifth guy is someone I thought as my brother that I so badly wished that my parents had. He was like the perfect outline for a good brother until he pulled the crap he did one day. He was talking crap about me and that hurt me bad. I dont think I could have been that hurt over anything before until then. I lost him because I was boring and annouying and he just didnt want to deal with me ever agian. And I geuss I respect him but he honestly did not have to be a b***h about it and he could have told me up front that he didnt want to be my friend and I would have been fine with it. But he didnt he made a huge scene infront of people on his profile. Apparently alot of others took it to be them as well. But I know it was for me only because of the girl on his profile left a comment that gave a huge hint on it.
I think thats all the guys that I can think about to write about right now. I know sad isnt it? Most of them are trouble with relationship wise and I just dont know what to do but its life. And my life is full pof confusion. And confusion is full of pain, Which pain is just full of tear shedding. I might have to get used to this kind of life forever because I have the biggest feeling that maybe this is how it will be for ever and ever until the day I finally die. Or I start to work my butt off to where I joint he military or army or navy or marines or something along the lines of being close to death.
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Darkness Falls Upon my death
Described as a none human.
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