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The end hasn't come yet. But I'm not going to any city. I'm just going to wallow in my self-pity for a while and then get over it. Time will run its course.
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I feel like punching something. I feel like taking a baseball bat and beating the s**t out of this computer, the walls, my math homework, my dog. Basically, whatever I can get my hands onto, I want to beat the s**t out of it.


I was planning a big surprise get together. I was going to go to a neighbor city (#1) within the metroplex that I live in. I was going to take my friend, Kbread, with me so that I wouldn't go alone. We were going to go see her friend, Rtoast, and the guy I'm interested in, LBagel. It was going to be a surprise for Rtoast and Lbagel. I wanted to spend time with Lbagel and give him the gifts that I had been saving up for him ever since we had first met at Shakespeare in the Park.

I asked Mom on Friday night if it would be ok if Kbread and I took the car and hung out all Sunday. She said "Ok." Then, not fifteen minutes ago, she says to me, "I don't want you driving all over the metroplex. I'm putting a leash on you and a lot of faith that you'll stay in this city (#0)." I asked Mom if it were ok if Kbread and I went to go see an exhibit in the lower neighbor city (#2) of the Metroplex. She sighed and said yes, but only because she hadn't let us go the first time because of her work.

I mulled it over. Is it possible to get everyone to the lower neighbor city (#2) and have it still be a surprise? Is it worth it to risk my mother's trust not to leave the city (#0) or the lower neighbor city (#2) to hang out with a friend of a friend (whom I've met) and a guy I like? Would she ever know about what really happened? Would she be able to follow me or have someone follow me?

******** b***h.

Back on the computer, I start IMing Kbread. I tell her I don't think I want to go through with the plan anymore. I tell her why. She offers that Rtoast can drive now, and could bring Lbagel with him to a different neighbor city. (#3) So I start to talk to Rtoast. Apparently, he actually just got his license this past week, and isn't ready to start taking big trips like that, but Lbagel can, which just ruins the whole point of surprising him. Kbread is trying to get me to agree to the idea that Lbagel will drive Rtoast and himself to City #3. I ask where this place is and what it's name is. But she doesn't know. She's only been there once before with her brother.

******** b***h.

I feel like punching something.






I'm going through so many different angsty and depressing emotions right now.