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Such as deafness, blindness, immobility, heart conditions, breathing conditions, digestive problems, PMS, pains, pimples and even sterility. And that’s just a handful of what a misaligned, degenerating spine can cause.

For as long as I can remember my neck and back have ached; there is a constant stiffness and pain in my neck, back, head, jaw, knees, wrists and upper arms. Some areas are worse than others, and generally the latter three come and go as they please. In fact, that list is in order of “most severe pain” to “least severe pain”.

It is something I’ve learned to live with. Being as I abhor the idea of putting any drug into my body, I very rarely take Tylenol or anything of that sort for the constant dull pain and stiffness.

I had the opportunity recently to visit a chiropractor (he was running a special for St. Patti’s day). 17 new patients before the 17th for $17, which was supposed to cover a consultation, x-rays, the first alignment and exam and be pretty damn awesome. I saved $228…on the x-rays.

I went in the first day; we discussed my aches and pains. Whether there were any incidents or accidents that may be the source of my problems. For the record, there aren’t. My problems stem from poor posture, stupid behavior and allowing myself and other people to pop my back. Then we took the x-rays. After which he shook my warmly by the hand and said, “Come back tomorrow and we’ll look at your x-rays and start fixing the problem”. I was informed that would be $45 dollar alignment. I saved $183, still not bad I suppose.

I return the next day, a few minutes early for their convenience. Then I sat in the waiting room for an hour and a half before he finally got to me. The receptionist was very kind, and made the time go by a little faster.

So there I stood, staring at x-rays of my spine. Comparing my screwed up on to what it should look like. My neck is too straight, the pelvis is crooked and my lower back curves out to the left. Yay me, not to mention all the degenerating disks which lead to the pinching or the nerves causing my aches, pains and problems.

He informs me at this point that he would like to do a “test alignment” to make sure these injured joints are “capable of movement”. I lay down, he cracks my back and nothing changes. But good news, they are all capable of being fixed via his magic touch. He says “come back tomorrow and we can really get started on fixing all your problems”. I inform him, “If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to afford that in two or three months”. For some reason he was compelled to give a little speech about how “It’s funny, people will borrow money to fix their car or house but not to fix their body”.

Screw you Dr. Danforth, I will not borrow money.

I do intend to go back eventually, but I simple can’t afford it. I can live with the pain, I always have. What prompts me to return is my incorrectly curved lower back, twisted pelvis and the fact that one of these degenerating joints will likely lead to improper function of my reproductive organs.

I’ve never really intended to have children, but I don’t like the idea of having that choice taken away from me, especially by something as stupid as this. It is a worst fear realized, and what’s worse is I did it to myself. The joint that could lead to infertility is the one I have popped frequently for years, and I can’t afford to fix it.