So..as you can tell, my long...and I mean LONG time boyfriend Michael(Mikey) and I aren't together anymore..and as much as it tears me apart to say this..I'm pretty sure it's permanent.
It was alittle of both of our faults..though more mine.
To me, he just wasn't there:
-He was always busy when I really needed to talk to him
-He never really wanted to pull away from what he was doing to help me.
-When I called him crying, he never knew what to say or do
-It's like..he was too busy to call me
So I felt unloved..
I hate to say that I DID cheat..
But GOD i felt so ignored..
It was like Michael was just a ghost that took my heart and hovered over me..
Like..I knew he was there, but I felt nothing from him..
Honestly, I still have pictures of him that he wanted me to keep back then..
I looked at one of him & his dog Charly..heh..they're so cute..
I cried really hard last night for about 30 minutes thinking about him and how I messed up..
He was my life..and I KNOW that I love him still..
But..even though I KNOW that I want to be with him again one day..I can't let myself ask from him back..
I'm tired of hurting him..I can't keep putting him through it.
It KILLS me to be without him..but it kills me even more to hurt him like I have..heh..
Yeah..I'm crying as I'm typing this..
I'm not as strong as I would like to be..but I have to try..or die trying..
Michael Quaadman will ALWAYS have the most of my heart..
Everything that I think of..listen to..everything I say and do..
It reminds me of him..
He'll always be Mikey Bear to me..
He'll always be Kyo Kenji Sekushi-san to me..
In my mind, I will always think of our relationship like Nagisa & Tomoya..
"All I Ever Wanted Was To See You Smiling.
All I Ever Wanted Was To Make You Mine.
I Know That I Love You.
Oh Baby Why Do You See,
That All I Ever Wanted Was You & Me..."
It was alittle of both of our faults..though more mine.
To me, he just wasn't there:
-He was always busy when I really needed to talk to him
-He never really wanted to pull away from what he was doing to help me.
-When I called him crying, he never knew what to say or do
-It's like..he was too busy to call me
So I felt unloved..
I hate to say that I DID cheat..
But GOD i felt so ignored..
It was like Michael was just a ghost that took my heart and hovered over me..
Like..I knew he was there, but I felt nothing from him..
Honestly, I still have pictures of him that he wanted me to keep back then..
I looked at one of him & his dog Charly..heh..they're so cute..
I cried really hard last night for about 30 minutes thinking about him and how I messed up..
He was my life..and I KNOW that I love him still..
But..even though I KNOW that I want to be with him again one day..I can't let myself ask from him back..
I'm tired of hurting him..I can't keep putting him through it.
It KILLS me to be without him..but it kills me even more to hurt him like I have..heh..
Yeah..I'm crying as I'm typing this..
I'm not as strong as I would like to be..but I have to try..or die trying..
Michael Quaadman will ALWAYS have the most of my heart..
Everything that I think of..listen to..everything I say and do..
It reminds me of him..
He'll always be Mikey Bear to me..
He'll always be Kyo Kenji Sekushi-san to me..
In my mind, I will always think of our relationship like Nagisa & Tomoya..
"All I Ever Wanted Was To See You Smiling.
All I Ever Wanted Was To Make You Mine.
I Know That I Love You.
Oh Baby Why Do You See,
That All I Ever Wanted Was You & Me..."
