Tear

• Artist: water jake
• Description: a part of a luv story after a man breaks her heart. i wrote cause i was bored.
  Im a guy and im writing as a girl so i dont no wat u will think girls.
• Date: 08/09/2008
• Tags:

Knee deep into the freezing waters of the sea. I look down and see goose bumps start to come up from my skin. I look back up and see the setting sun, the horizon a faint peach color. The still water on my feet feels wonderful, but it can't lighten my saddend mode. Then a tear slides down my face and off my lips. And lands gracefully aswell as silently into the salty water creating a small ripple as it slides into the water and melts into the slowly retreating tide then disappears from sight.

Hope you liked my story, and if you liked it please tell me what you liked about it.

Comments

[kittypuss123]

isnt that suppost to be in like poams??

[stellacadente]

Isn't this more along the lines of fiction? It's good though.

[cupcake_ninja08]

10/1000 is an awesome score, and don't listen to her, your work is great, just lengthen it up a bit. I think you have potential!

[domineek is hardcore xD]

haha, typos.
**room for improvement**
**anyway, edit it**

and would you mind commenting and rating my entries?
thanks.

[domineek is hardcore xD]

I don't think it flows very well. The wording could be better. Some words could just be taken out completely. But the idea you've got going on is pretty good. There's just alot of room for improvent.


And did she say 10/10000?
Lmao.
Does she realize how terrible of a score that is?
o.o
Any, edit it! Fix it up.
And send it to me when you're done because I'd like to see what you come up with.

[cupcake_ninja08]

its a little short, but i love the feelings you portrayed as this girl, its simple but yet tells so much. I give you 10/10000!