Cursed love

• Artist: Galadhremmin
• Description: A little story i wrote on a whim. It would be much appreciated if you tell me why you did or did not like it
• Date: 07/15/2008
• Tags: death warm cold

The tears now pouring from her amber eyes blended perfectly with the rain now slapping against her face. Her hair was soaking wet, but she paid it no mind. The only thing her eyes noticed was him. His eyes were looking up at her but not seeing, and his hand in hers was cold and unresponsive. She could see the rain pooling in his emerald eyes, making him look as if he were crying, but she knew that she would never again see true tears roll down his face. Never see him laugh in joy, nor cry out in pain ever again. The blood cascading down his neck now flowed in tiny rivulets through the grass upon which they laid, staining everything it touched. She lay down upon his chest, wishing that she could hear a heart beat, that she could feel the tiniest bit of warmth, but knew it could not be so. She gently moved the ebony hair, now plastered to his face out of the way and kissed it. She moved down the forehead, from the cheek to the jaw, and finally down the the hopelessly shredded throat. She kissed it and ran her finger over it, but knew that she could never heal it. In the dark she said her final farewell to him, and walked away from that accursed spot, hoping never to see him again.

Comments

[Prince Yorae]

Very descript and a nice construction and vocabulary. The flow can feel a little off, especially with words such as "now plastered against his face" The now disrupts it slightly, by simply removing the now and the "out of the way" (since we figured that when you said she moved it) that sentence wouldn't sound choppy and off. That kind of thing, while subtle, makes a large difference. Again, I liked it, it was well written with great detail that I can only wish I could pull off. 4'd

[woodgirl90]

hrmm its needs to be completed but its good 4/5

[writrrr-grrl]

awesome story...great imagery...and very detailed. i find it quit fascinating really. it inspired me to actually think about it and only good stories can make me do that...

[5eeker_of_Truth]

great visualization, like whatching an old black and white movie, and also allows every reader to have their own ideas on what happened. I give it 4 stars if possible...