• Chapter Three - Will the Secret Be Revealed?

    The closer the date of the Yule Ball approached, the surlier that Sirius Black grew. Surly and petulant. To the point where even talking to him was taking a major gamble on being growled at. James had finally persuaded Lily to accompany him to the dance, which did little to assuage Sirius' suspicions regarding her and Remus, and the sight of James prancing about the Common Room, crowing about the redhead and mussing up his hair even more in his exultation, was enough to cause Sirius to go stomping off to the dorm, scowling. Which only served to cause Remus to take refuge behind his books, miserable and thoroughly baffled as to what was upsetting Sirius, and supposing it to be Lily's apparent unavailability.

    Every day that passed, Sirius himself received ever increasing numbers of invitations to the Yule Ball, wrapped up in neat rolls of parchment which were prettily tied and left in strategic locations for him to find - at the Gryffindor table, in the Common Room, in the classroom - and some bold soul had gone so far as to place one upon his very bed, which only twisted the knife in Remus' gut a little more, and annoyed the hell out of Sirius. "Why don't you take one of them?" Remus shakily suggested, to hide his own desires in the matter, afraid that if he didn't make some such comment it might look suspicious. "I mean, just pick the one you like best, and ask her. Which one <i>do</i> you like best?" He tried not to sound too jealous, tried not to say Lily's name, but the plucking at his heartstrings was fierce, and the wolf within was raging. He suppressed the feelings as well as he could, balling his hands up into fists inside his robe pockets.

    The two boys stood together within the meager space that existed between their beds, Sirius holding the offending missive as if it were poisonous. He looked up in surprise at Remus' words, and their eyes locked mutely. <i>You. You're the one I like best</i> Sirius thought to himself, but aloud he said, "Do you think I should?"

    "Why not?" Remus tried to sound non-chalant, unaware of how miserably he failed in his attempt. "Any one would be honored to go with you to the Ball, Siri. You could have your choice of anyone..."

    "Anyone?" Sirius repeated, parrotlike, taking an involuntary step toward Remus, wondering if he had the nerve to say the words which were threatening even now to spill from his lips.

    "Uh huh," Remus managed to breathe, beginning to sway toward the taller darkhaired boy, as if being moved by some sort of divine providence.

    "Remus...." Sirius began...

    .... when at that moment fate, in the form of James Potter and Peter Pettigrew intervened, as the two boys came barreling through the doorway, laughing, and the moment was irretrievably broken. They each glanced up irritably, mirroring one another's feelings, and with great trepidation each beheld the sight of a piece of parchment in James' hand which he was holding out toward Remus.

    "Another one, mate!" he announced unnecessarily, even as Peter exhorted, "Read it, read it, read it!"

    Before Remus had the presence of mind to respond, Sirius had snatched it from James' hand and was devouring its contents, his eyes growing darker and narrower as he read, until at last he threw the parchment toward Remus, stifling a moan and, pushing his way between James and Peter, made a hasty exit.

    An ashen Remus Lupin made no move to retrieve the fallen missive, staring after Sirius, open-mouthed and distraught. James picked it up, while Peter commented, "What's gotten into him?"

    James began to read,

    <i>Dear Remus,
    The fact that you have asked no one else to the Ball tells me that you wish to be with me as much as I wish to be with you. I'll meet you inside the Great Hall at the stroke of nine o'clock by the punch bowl. You'll know me by the purple rose I wear. Until then, I remain

    (signed) Your Secret Admirer</i>

    "I think this is what has gotten into him," James said, more astutely than he realized. Remus flushed a bright red at the implication.

    "You know how Sirius is, he doesn't like mysteries, he likes being in control of whatever's going on," he insisted, snatching the letter from James' hands and ripping it into small pieces. "This is ridiculous. I'm not about to make a date with someone I don't even know."

    "I think it's romantic," Peter said, "I think you should at least find out who it is, since you don't have a date anyway, do you?"

    "That's beside the point," Remus protested, and the wolf inside howled for him to run after Sirius, to ask him to the Ball - now! And for once he was thinking of actually listening to that voice. "And besides.... I mean...... oh blast it, I've got something to take care of, I'll talk to you later," and he ran out the door without another wasted word. James and Peter were left exchanging baffled glances.

    Sirius was racing through the Common Room, not knowing or caring who else might be there, when he suddenly plowed into the solid figure of Hestia Jones, who reacted by grabbing him quickly, holding on for both their sakes' lest they tumble to the ground. Good thing she was a rather sturdy girl. "Where's the fire, Sirius?" she laughed.

    Sirius' eyes were already stinging from unshed tears and he wanted nothing more than to go out to the quidditch pitch and release his frustration in flying. Hestia's presence was rather annoying, at the moment, therefore. She was among those who was petitioning for him to escort her to the Yule Ball. "Hestia, please let go," he said, "I was just going out..."

    She released him slightly from the bear hug she had him in, but recognizing an advantage when she had one - namely, that Sirius seemed to be a bit distracted at the moment - she decided to press her luck. "Sirius, will you go the Yule Ball with me?"

    Sirius was upset and hurt, his mind whirling with the thought of Remus and his secret admirer, together, at the Yule Ball, his heart was weary and sore and altogether confused, and at first Hestia's words didn't register. But then they began to pierce the fog that was his brain, and he realized what she was saying - and why not? It wasn't like he had a chance to do what he really wanted to do anyway.

    <i>I'm going to do it</i> Remus told himself, <i>I'm going to ask Sirius to the Yule Ball</i>. He took a deep breath, as he wondered just how he was going to phrase the question. <i>Say, Sirius, since neither one of us has a date, do you want to go together?</i> No, that implied a casualness which the occasion did not warrant. <i>Sirius, would you like to be my date?</i>. Bolder, but could he pull that one off? He began to warm at the thought, gathering the nerve to actually speak the words just as he reached the Common Room - just in time to hear Hestia's question and Sirius' answer -

    "Yeah, sure," Sirius answered. Whatever. Why not? He never saw the painful expression which crossed Remus' face, or even realized that he was there, for the lycanthrope did an immediate turnabout and ran back up the stairs to the dorm, while Hestia continued to grip Sirius in her excitement. "Hestia, please," he said, disentangling himself from the overenthusiastic girl. She went flying up the stairs to the girls' dorms, while Sirius stood there for a moment, a stricken expression on his face, and from the shadows near the fire, Lily Evans observed it all, without comment.


    The next day saw three glum young men sat together upon the couch in the Gryffindor Common Room. Not a word was being exchanged between them, lost as they were in their own thoughts and problems.

    James was castigating himself on being a right proper boob - he had managed to piss off Lily royally with a prank gone awry(the result of attempting it with only Peter for backup; it had gone horribly wrong and he was caught and given detention, although Peter managed to slip away) and she had rescinded her acceptance of his invitation to the Yule Ball, declaring that Peeves would make a better date than James would. Sirius was wondering what he had gotten himself into with Hestia - the news of her winning the right to be his date having spread through the school faster than nutella on a warm pancake - and he was convinced that Lily had called off her date with James in order to be with Remus. Remus was wishing he were simply non-existent, for the one person he cared about didn't even realize it and he had lost him to someone else, obviously.

    So when Peter Pettigrew came strutting into the room, looking like he'd swallowed the proverbial canary, took one glance at their sour faces and asked,"Who died?" in a rather unfeeling manner, it was no surprise that he was instantly pelted by everything and anything that was close at hand, and forced to retreat to the sancity of the kitchens.


    The night of the Yule Ball arrived at last, for time marches inexorably and stops for no man. Since James was now bereft of a date, he talked Remus into going stag with him, bragging that they would then be free to do what they liked, whereas Sirius would be tied to Hestia's aprongstrings and Peter should simply be grateful he found a date. This made Sirius wince, and Remus' stomach knot up, but neither said a single word, nor made any comment, and James soon stopped baiting them in an attempt to hide his own chagrin at losing his date with Lily.

    Sirius wore dress robes of a deep midnight blue, trimmed in silver, which brought out the depths of his dark eyes even more, while Remus found himself inexplicably with a new set of robes for the occasion - left anonymously on his bed, which did nothing to quench the fires of jealousy seething inside of Sirius - silver robes edged in midnight blue. He was reluctant to wear them, but then he realized that he might as well, they were nicer than anything he possessed, and if he were going at all - which apparently he was, according to James - he might as well do it right. When James asked Lily who she would be attending the Ball with, she turned up her nose at the boy and informed him that that was none of his concern. Which only increased Sirius' misery, as he was convinced more than ever that she and Remus were an item. Or would be shortly.

    Sirius met Hestia just outside the Great Hall that night, and she was so excited at being with him that she never even noticed he'd not gotten her a corsage, or complimented her on her dress. She didn't care one whit as she latched onto his arm as they made their entrance together into the beautifully decorated and transformed ballroom, where the stars shone all about them, and "snow" fell from the ceiling, only to dissipate as it reached the floor. She saw the envious looks of the other girls as they saw Hestia and her handsome escort and she was also gratified at the look of chagrin on the face of one particular Hufflepuff boy whom she'd been dying to go out with all year. Maybe this would spur him into action. Not that she didn't like Sirius, of course, cause she did - but just as a friend. Sirius was oblivious to it all. His attention was affixed on the large timepiece on one wall, waiting for nine o'clock to arrive so that Remus' secret admirer would be revealed.

    Sirius took Hestia out onto the dance floor, but his heart wasn't in it, as he covertly watched Remus - who was standing with James for the most part, or by himself when James chanced to obtain a dance partner. The werewolf made no move to dance himself, and spoke with no one. Other than Lily, that is, Sirius noticed, who seemed to be pointedly ignoring James and his antics.

    As the hour drew closer to nine, Sirius noticed that Remus appeared to be drifting more and more toward the table which held the punch and other refreshments, and he himself was beginning to edge Hestia in that direction - the dratted girl had insisted on dancing with him, over and over and over, and he could find no reason not to - when there was a sudden inexplicable surge in dancers which swirled all about them even as he tried to make his way through them. He broke away from Hestia's embrace, as the clock began to chime the hour, desperate to find out who was claiming his wolf. "Excuse me," he told her, leaving her standing in the midst of the otherwise dancing throng, pushing through now, desperate to see what there was to see....

    Just before he reached the table, something on the floor caught his eye. He stooped to pick it up - it was a purple rose, possessed of a rather fragile beauty, like Remus, and for a moment he held it softly within his palm, staring at it. And when he looked up, there was Remus himself, standing beside him, looking at the flower, looking at Sirius, obvious questions in his eyes. And then he saw Remus looking past him, his topaz eyes darkening, and Sirius turned to see Lily approaching. Of course it was her. Who else would it be? Who the bloody hell else?

    "Sirius?" Remus' voice, hesitant, questioning. But Sirius was beyond hearing, for he was already moving away from the scene, not wishing to see any more, he'd seen enough, thank you. He missed the look of anguish which Remus shot after him, and the look of frustration from Lily - not to mention her exclamation of, "Bloody hell!" He even left Hestia standing on the dance floor without a word of explanation. All he could think of was getting away from everyone and everything. He was picking up speed now, exiting the castle, and running as hard as he could - away from all of this agony, headed toward the quidditch pitch.

    Lily gained Remus' side easily. "Go after him!" she urged, in a low tone, meant only for Remus' ears. "You have to tell him..."

    "Tell him what?" Remus asked in confusion.

    "That you're in love with the ninny, and then he can tell you he's in love with you!" Lily exclaimed.

    "What? You mean... that is.......he was my secret admirer all along?"

    "No, that was me, I was just trying to help, but I think it just backfired," Lily admitted apologetically, "go after him, he needs you!"

    "But I don't know where he went," Remus cried in anguish, "and what makes you think he's in love with me?" He didn't bother to deny that he was in love with Sirius.

    "Because I've been watching you both," Lily said, "and it's obvious to me. Now go!" And she gave him a gentle push.

    A blushing Remus gave Lily a quick peck on the cheek, before he took off after the boy of his dreams, suddenly realizing the one place he was bound to be. Lily felt a hand fall upon her arm, turned to face one rather annoyed James Potter, but before he could protest she kissed his lips softly, to silence him, and suddenly words became unnecessary. At least for the moment.

    Remus reached the quidditch pitch, glancing up into the sky, wondering if Sirius were perhaps flying. But no, there was no silhouette visible against the evening sky, which was good, cause he didn't even want to think about going up into the air after him. He turned toward the Grffindor stand, and there he spotted him - at the top, in the corner. He should have known right away that's where he'd be. Taking a deep breath, he nimbly climed the risers til he reached the pinnacle. There Sirius sat, his arms wrapped about his head, leaning back against the backdrop of the stands, his frame shaking with silent sobs. Remus couldn't bear to see him like that. He touched his arm gently. "Sirius...... Sirius....."

    Sirius started, glancing up through tear-filled eyes. It couldn't be.... but it apparently was. But why was he here and not with his secret admirer? "Remy?" he choked out, "go on, she's waiting for you, you should be in there, not out here."

    "She who, Sirius?"

    "She Lily, your secret admirer. You know. I was there. I saw it, you don't have to hide it any more."

    "My secret admirer? I thought you liked her," Remus said, frowning, "I thought that was why you've been so upset about this secret admirer thing, cause you want to go out with Lily?"

    "Me go out with Lily? Are you daft?" Sirius cried, aghast. "I don't like her like that. I don't like any girl like that. I only like....." And he caught himself in time, before he could say the fateful words.

    "Only like...." Remus prompted him, his heart in his throat.

    "Nothing," Sirius mumbled, "go on, be with her...."

    "I don't want to be with her," Remus insisted, "I want to be with you."

    "With me?" Sirius couldn't believe his ears. "What did you just say, Remus Lupin?"

    It had been hard to say it the first time, but the second time came more easily. "I want to be right here, with you, Sirius. That's all I've ever wanted. I don't like Lily either, not like that. Or any other girl. Only you.....I only like you......" He didn't know what to say after that, but he didn't have to say anything, as Sirius' eyes widened, his heart drinking in the other boy's words. He rose to his full height - which for now was taller than Remus', but wouldn't always be - and before he lost the nerve he reached out for him, taking his lips in his own, and kissing him for all he was worth, which was quite a bit.

    An electric shock surged between the two boys as their lips connected, a jolt which reverberated inside their very souls as they proceeded to wind their arms about one another and deepen the kiss.

    "Remy," Sirius said, once he found the breath to speak, "I've been in love with you for a long time, but.... I was afraid to tell you, afraid you'd laugh at me...."

    "I'd never do that, Siri," Remus assured him solemnly, "I was afraid to tell you that I loved you. I mean, all those girls... the kissing.... " He trailed off uncertainly.

    "Meant nothing," Sirius said, "I didn't even like their kisses. But yours....."

    "But mine...?"

    "Yours was magic," Sirius sighed. "Can I kiss you again?"

    Remus made no reply, simply offered his lips for the taking, and although it was December, and a damn cold one at that, neither boy noticed for a very very long time.