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Unleashed
chapter 1
It was early morning when Todd,Aarron,Pedro,and Todd's girl Jessica were eating breakfeast when Aarron said out of the blue "Hey Todd you gonna finish eating your waffles?"Todd looked at Aarron for a moment then shrugged."fine...But how can you eat so much and yet be so skinny?"Todd asked."just drop it man!"said Pedro."You know as his best friend that he eats too much!"When they were done eating they went to Math where Todd sat inbetween Aarron and Jessica."I hate Math!"whispered Aarron furiously."Too bad!"I whispered back.
"Good morning class!"said their teacher Mrs.Molina."Today we are going to lear about adding and subtracting long term intergers!"Todd was happy cause thats his easiest part of Math."ugh!"said Aarron accidently loudly."Mr.Floyd please come here."Said Mrs.Molina.She whispered something to him but no one saw what.
When Aarron came back to sit down he looked at Antonia his wanna be girl friend.After Mrs.Molina passed out the classwork Todd was the first one done then turned it in."psst!"wgipered Aarron."what?"Todd whipered back as he sat down."whats number 1-36?"Aarron asked."Thats the whole page!"Todd whispered sounding a bit pissed."fine..."Todd answered.
chapter 2
After school that day all of their cell phones rang.They all looked and saw that X-254(the robot that belongs to the super villan that they don't know of yet)was rebuilt by a hechman."Not good"Said Pedro."Our time to shine!"Said Aarron whom already teleported to the hideout."whelp I better transform into either and eagle or a dragon...what do you think babe?"Said Todd."I think eagle."Answered Jessica who already turned into an eagle.Todd transformed into an eagle and they both flew away towards the base."I'm always the last one."Said Pedro as he ran for the base using super speed.
By the time they were all there they saw that Aarron was already in his suit.His suit was blue with green gloves and boots.When Pedro arived he was already in his suit which was similar to the flash except it doeasn't have the lightning bolt and that it's orange.Todd's suit is gold.And finaly Jessicas is pink.
When they arived to the sceen where the henchmen and the robot and some strange figure that they didn't reconize were there to join them."Welcome children"said the mysterious figure whom was wearing a black cloak."I am The Dark Moth.And I am here to put and end to you."Aarron didn't seem so happy about his choice of words and teleported behind him.
When Aarron was behind him he got him in a head lock."Aarron you idiot!"Pedro said as he ran to help him out."Looks like it's up to us baby"Said Todd as he and Jessica transformed into lions and striked The Blakc Moths throat but they were quickly blocked by his henchmen."Looks like we have to go through them first honey!"Said Jessica as they both turned into dragons.
- by Im_The_Dark_Assasin_XXX |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 11/23/2008 |
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- Title: Unleashed!
- Artist: Im_The_Dark_Assasin_XXX
- Description: This story is about 4 young super heroes trying to defeat the evil duer guy.....I will have his name pop up in the story.But this is only Part one stay tuned for part two of Unleashed!
- Date: 11/23/2008
- Tags: unleashed
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Comments (5 Comments)
- Im_The_Dark_Assasin_XXX - 01/30/2009
- Geez...I'm only 12 here person....I read alot so I decided to write something for once...Bad idea...Well people say my stories are good sometimes...I won 3 contests so far for writting....
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- yuesha - 01/20/2009
- (/c)of the writer using proper physical descriptions and using them to refer to his characters. [: For instance, if Jessica were a tall blond, you could use that to signal you are talking about her actions by using 'tall blond' to refer to her. (ex: "The tall blond gave her boyfriend a careful look," instead of, "Jessica gave her boyfriend a careful look," etc, etc.)
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- yuesha - 01/20/2009
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"Speech," such as this, requires you to create a new paragraph with each speaker. The entire story happens to fast, no real transitions to different settings, and just the general flaws you find in stories that 'tell', such as this. You should try making this a 'showing' story, child.
And at Lapbranden's comment... they don't use too many nicknames (which I believe would be called pet names, seeing the relationship between them...), the writer simply uses too many of their real names, instead(c) - Report As Spam
- Im_The_Dark_Assasin_XXX - 11/29/2008
- Lol(The grammar errors are because i typed it too fast biggrin )But she says da nick names because...she realy likes Todd
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- Cobalt Bakios - 11/29/2008
- kinda good and i wont judge you for ur grammar errors but Todd and Jessica say to many nicknames
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