• The water was bliss. It didn’t push me away the way he did. It whispered softly to me while he would talk speak so harshly. The water couldn’t break me the way he could. The water would merely burn my throat and lungs from the lack of oxygen it would give to me. It would leave me the way I was when I came to it. He left me broken in pieces to small there was no hope to put me back together. He left my body torn and un-repairable all because of his harsh words.

    I welcomed the water as it welcomed me; I opened my mouth and took a deep breath, allowing the water in to cleanse the pain. Every memory raced by, but the regrets seem to play in slow motion. I could see the time I admitted that I loved him and how he just walked off as if he heard nothing. I watched as I ran to him thinking he would comfort me, and how he told me to just leave him alone. Then finally I see what led me here; today he told me he loved someone and how I couldn’t take it so I ran away. The pain was almost gone, it was a dull ache and I knew I wouldn’t burden the world anymore.

    Everything was dull; the colors of the room, the feeling of the embracing water, and even my mother’s screaming. I could hear her call my father and her dial 911 like there was still hope, and I could feel my dad take me out of the tub, away from the comforting water. I felt the slight pressure he applied to my chest trying to get the water out of my lungs. Then nothing. I couldn’t hear the cries of my mother, or feel my father’s pressure of my chest. I was numb, the water did as I wanted, it stopped the pain and I was free. Free from human feelings, human tears, human smiles, and free from the pain he caused. I liked the numbness; it was better then feeling anything.

    Then noise broke through the numbness; the gentle snores of a person and the beeping of the hospital machine filled my head, but I still felt nothing. I couldn’t open my eyes or move, all I could do was listen. I suspected the snoring to belong to my mother, who was probably so worried about me she didn’t go home. I felt guilt pierce through me; I had forgotten about my parents and how they would feel once I left them. I only thought about my pain, and myself I was selfish. This reminded me of why I shouldn’t have been allowed to live; I was an ugly person on the inside and out. Then the door open and footsteps could be heard, they were coming towards me. Something grabbed my hand and that was the first thing I felt. “Do you think she’ll be okay,” called an all to familiar voice. Wait a minute, that’s my mom’s voice.

    Another voice replied to her question, “She’ll be fine, the doctors said they got all the water out of her lungs before she was too deprived of oxygen.” It was her father’s voice.

    “Maybe we should stay the night?”, my mother questioned, but my father shushed her.

    “Dear, don’t worry. You need to get your sleep, and besides he’s going to tell us when she wakes up.” I assumed that “he” was the person who was snoring by my bedside.

    “I guess your right, but still…” and she began to cry, “why? Why would she want to die? It doesn’t make sense!” Then the hand was gone, but I knew I wasn’t out of it because I could hear her crying. I knew she just turned to cry into my father’s chest. Again he shushed her, and they both left the room.

    I must have fell asleep again because everything was gone. The noise, the feelings, everything and in it’s place the numbness. I didn’t like it this time around because I deserved to feel pain and guilt. I didn’t deserve this numb feeling, I deserved the burning in my lungs and throat. I deserved the ripping pain he caused me. I deserved it all and then some, but no I got it easy and felt nothing. Then my numbness broke and everything washed over me like it should. The new pain woke me fully, I could now see and hear clearly for the first time since the water claimed me. I turned my head to find someone crying with their head in the side of the bed, I could feel their hand in my hand. I didn’t squeeze their hand if fear I would shock them and make them angry. This person was so familiar, but I couldn’t remember; my mind couldn’t quite grasp everything, but then the person spoke.

    He lifter his head, but never noticed my eyes looking at him because tears blurred his own eyes. “God, please bring her home to me. Give me the chance to tell her I love her. Give me the chance to hold her and claim her as mine. I was stupid to make her wait so long, don’t punish her for my mistake. Let her wake up just so I can tell her I’m sorry and need her to be my everything. I’ll take whatever punishment you’ll give just to see her open those eyes, and smile that smile that makes me fly.” I knew him now, he was the reason I went to the water, he was why I was broken. He slung his head down again, resting it on the bed and his hands squeezed my one hand. He continued to sob and it brought my world down because this perfect angel was crying because of me. He didn’t hate me like he once claimed, he loved me and I was going to cause him pain he didn’t deserve.

    I reached my other hand over to him and stroked the top of his head. He immediately lifted his head to my face. I felt every emotion in his eyes rush into my heart and create a pain I didn’t mind. I could see his hurt, his love, his joy, his worry, and so much more. “Melissa? Are you awake for real?” I couldn’t find my voice just yet, so I simply nodded. A smile crossed his face and made him seem so much more angelic. He reached his hand to my cheek and brushed it lightly, he whispered, “I’m truly not dreaming this time.”

    Then I found my voice and whispered back, “Yes, but am I? I thought you hated me, why are you crying for me. I thought you didn’t want me, that’s why I was going to leave.”

    I looked to his face and saw anger mixed with sadness. “Are you truly that stupid,” his words stung a bit, “to try and take your life for someone as cold as me? Are you too blind to notice the other people who love you? You were willing to forfeit a life that mattered more to the world for someone who the world could do without?”

    I lost my voice again, so I nodded and looked away because I couldn’t stand to look at this man, who I breaking the way he broke me. I began to cry, and he stopped the tears as they fell with his thumb. “Please don’t cry, not over me. I’m worthless and all the pain I’ve been put through I deserved because I broke your heart. The least I deserved was you breaking mine, I deserved to be literally torn apart instead of just emotionally. I deserved to go to hell because I broke you to the point where you would kill your-self to take the pain away. I don’t deserve to die because that would mean I would stop feeling and I deserve to feel every ounce of pain I caused.” He was now crying and it was hurting me.

    I lifted my hands to his cheek and wiped away his tears. I whispered hoarsely, “Drew, you deserve none of that. I’m the one who deserves the pain; I’m the one who should be tortured. I devastated my family, put my friends through a nightmare, and you…I stopped tore your beautiful soul and heart apart when you didn’t deserve it. I forced you to leave the one you really loved for me because I was selfish and couldn’t take the pain. So please don’t say all those words.”

    “What are you talking about forcing me to leave the one I really love?”

    “That someone you told me about, that someone you said you loved?”, my voice becoming a bit weaker from the memory.

    He laughed and I looked at him dumbfounded. He took in my expression and answered the unasked question, “That someone I was talking about was you. You ran off before I could tell you everything. And then…” he trailed off, but I knew what he was going to say, you tried to kill yourself. Then my expression became soft and I pulled his face towards mine. He took the signal and leaned over to me. Our lips met in a kiss so short, but full of passion and love I hated when it ended.

    The room was filled with only our breathing and the beeping of the machines, then his voice found my ears, “I love you, Melissa.”

    “I love you, Drew.”