Threw my eyes

• Artist: edwardbella311
• Description: This is about a boy who sees people but the inside not the out.....
  
  
  This is short
• Date: 12/16/2008
• Tags: everything

As i walk down a lonly street i see all the poor people looking up at me. My parents are very rich and they now who i am.. I stop. And make like i droped a $100 bill on the ground. But i purposlay droped it.






This short story is basicly dont judge people. Bc the poor people thought he would like make a remark about them but he didnt.

Did he?

Comments

[prettybluedresses]

I'm sorry, but this isn't good. It sounds like something written by a 4th grader. I suggest looking very closely at other "micro-fiction" and trying to emulate that. The best micro-fiction author I know of is Amy Hempel.

[Tomas Youngblood]

nice

[Whigg]

<cont> made me like the main character a lot less, because it implies he did make a negative comment about them.
it was a nice idea, but it needs work.

[Whigg]

this needs to be edited. and maybe some more detail could be used. embellish it. describe the scene.
you didn't do anything to make us feel for the poor people except to say that they were poor. were there women and children among them? sick and injured? elderly? is it cold- are their clothes tattered?
also, the logic of throwing a single 100 dollar bill among a crowd of paupers is a little flawed. what are they going to do? they're going to fight over i.
also, the "did he?" at the end

[dido5333]

a little confusing, but very nice.

[edwardbella311]

actually i wanted threw bc the person threw a $100 bill on the ground

[The Right Hand Of Death]

That was really good, inspiring, but you need to check the spelling and its "Through" my eyes, not "Threw" my eyes xD xd