- It was an October night. An evil, eerie sensation crept through the air, yes it was Halloween. The night of gouls, ghosts, witches, and werewolves. My town, Memphis, was no place for the weak minded. No body was out, I was lying in my bed, thinking in the dark corners of my mind. The loneliness that I went through most people could not survive. I lie in my room, holding onto the locket my family gave me, right before they left earth. One by one they all died, leaving me with less and less hope, and people to love. The devil was torturing me, playing some horrible joke on me, watching my misery, and laughing at my pain. I opened my eyes, to find someone hovering over me, a ghost? A werewolf? Whatever it was, it was anything but human. I screamed, trying to find a way out, but he got a grasp of me. And as I screamed, I felt some needle sharp fangs, sink into my throat. And the venom spread quickly through my veins, no way out. The creature left. The smell of blood and chocolate remained in my room. I cried,I was now marked as a vampire, I had to leave the world my mind lurked in, and accept what I now am. Having to suffer the pain of no family or loved ones, through eternal life, no one could baffle. Forever cursed with eternal life, though my heart (the organ that loves) is already dead. I sat in the corner of my room, watching nothing, thinking nothing, feeling pain. And forever may it be this way. May I haunt the night, searching for my prey, and every special Halloween night, may I remember this day.
- by xxEternally_Cursedxx |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 01/18/2009 |
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- Title: October Night
- Artist: xxEternally_Cursedxx
- Description: my first story, if you dont like it, im sorry i took your time away...I wanna be an author later on in life, any ideas?
- Date: 01/18/2009
- Tags: october night
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Comments (7 Comments)
- blackdragon612 - 09/20/2009
- wow that was really good, i applaud you * claps *
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- Starshine2456 - 09/19/2009
- It's good it but, maybe you want to add some dialouge so that the reader can understand what's going on a little more maybe add her inner thoughts. Pay a little more attention to the detail in the story remember put the chaacteristics of the characters and maybe more family background. I love the story. Look up Deadly under title it's the first chapter of my novel. Maybe you'll get some ideas of course it's un-edited but.. hey it might help.
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- Naytin - 02/23/2009
- its ok but its missing some stuff, I would suggest adding some more detail, imagery and expanding on it some more, maybe add some more info on her past. What happened to her family? who were they? why'd they die? who is the girl? Just expand some more, add some more detail. I think if you did it would be a really great story, I liked it.
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- Gravetye - 02/13/2009
- Like others have said, you need more detail. But it's not bad. I never completely read through the bad stuff, even if it's short, and I read your entire story. So that must mean something, yeah? You definitely have some potential. Keep writing!!!
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- _delted_--mfrag - 02/06/2009
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good generaal outline, needs somemore meet.
youve got potential - Report As Spam
- CaRtMaN_RoX_BuTt_ - 02/05/2009
- cool smile
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- Skadi Sundermount - 02/02/2009
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Short, story needs some more meet on it. try going into more detail. Who is this character? Where is the character? Why is this happening? Ect.
Also work on the description.
Vampires are a bit cliche these days but they never seem to get old. Good way to make money through writing.
Also
indent
like this
please smile - Report As Spam