How much can i lose?

• Artist: Misfit-writer
• Description: This one i also wrote late at night based on a picture again please don't rate it badly becasue it made you sad. it is supposed to. Thank you^^
• Date: 02/11/2009
• Tags: much lose

Alex could hear fighting in the distance he ran through the forest as fast as his tiny legs could carry him hoping his sister wasn't in trouble he ran and ran towards the sounds until he emerged by a lake standing in the lake was his sister, Miriana the only person left that he loved the tips of her raven black hair were soaked in blood her blue eyes were drained and tired and her pale skin could not be reflected in the lake for the water flowed red flooded with blood but what Alex could see was cut and scratched and facing her was a man whose short brown hair was slightly damp form the mist his dark skin was sliced on his arms but he looked unharmed at the site of his sister so weak Alex's mind was flooded with memories so much had happened to him in his five years his mother had died giving birth to him and his father had died two years ago from an attack he and his sister had been wandering the forest suddenly he heard a shriek of pain interrupt his thoughts he looked up to see Miriana sinking to her knees a deep gash in her throat Alex ran to his sister catching her before she hit the ground tears flooding his eyes as he held his weak sister her dark hair fell over his hands and her heart beat slowed every second the scary man approached them still clutching his sword he pointed it towards Alex who looked up at him his large toddler eyes still flooded with tears "don't hurt her anymore" he begged The man laughed touching the sharp end of the sword to Alex's shoulder leaving a small gash before vanishing Alex shivered and looked down at his sister "Miriana" he whispered desperate as her heart beat for he last time.....

Comments

[meeiji]

Where are them periods?

I like this one a lot more, but personally I hate it when there are those characters that are left alone in the world, with mommy and daddy dead killed before their eyes :/ I like the plot a lot more, but the 'action' scene was overdone, too rushed and I couldn't exactly connect because the characters weren't explained very well personality wise.

But again I think there is to much woe-is-me and your trying too hard to make us feel sorry for them.

[kisa hisho]

both storys are very good but think about commas a bit more XP i kept having to stop and reread it but other wise its very well done^^

[Misfit-writer]

Thank you ^^ i usually get very creative late at night =]

[gotthekiss]

Wow....thats really good. very sad but really good.