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    I paced back in forth in front of her home, a mirror of every other house in the suburban complex. I kept pacing back in forth, waiting. It was ten o’clock and she hadn’t arrived from work. Work ended at five.

    I waited to see her, see if she still loved me. I should have been more protective. I should have been someone better for her. I should have driven her to work, no told her to take the holiday she had been racking up and gone on the first flight to Italy. She had always wanted to go to Italy, she saw it in a movie and wanted go. Ever since then only her dreams had taken her there. But there were reasons, difficult reasons, that put a burden on her, to not allow her to go. Her father.

    Her father, he hated me, consequently hating her for being with me. He hit her. The words that came out of his mouth were not ones to say to your daughter. She was too afraid to call the cops, and no one was able to testify because nobody wanted to be around her family. It was too messed up, too nonsensical, so she could not take him to court. Instead she relied on me to open up in front of.

    The time passed on. It was soon eleven o’clock, then twelve. Her father was out gambling her life away. All of her money saved up for the university she would have been attending next year, would be gone by now. She was accepted into law school on a scholarship.

    I still walked up and down the sidewalk in front of her house, a sweat breaking out of my forehead either from the exercise or the stress, I wasn't sure.

    Her depression had reached its peak. She always attempted to end the misery of life, but I somehow brought her back. There was more to life than pain. She always asked me if pain would continue in the after-life. I always reminded her when she went on her suicide talk, What about all of those people would love you and care for you, what about those people like me? What would we do without you?

    The thought of her gone brought a tear to my eye. But I knew she did it; I knew she couldn’t take the pain any longer. But hope still resided somewhere within me. Soon she would walk around the corner, see me, smile and run towards me, embracing me in a tight hug. But that would never happen. I still kept pacing in front of her house.

    There was no life left for her here. There truly was nobody but me that fully cared for her. She never let anyone close enough to care.



    The next day, I was pacing the sidewalk, this time in front of another building; the funeral home. My hands were dug into the pockets of my wrinkled and very dusty black tuxedo.

    I couldn’t go inside. I couldn’t see her lying in her coffin. I couldn’t look into her fathers eyes and say ‘I am sorry for your loss’. He wasn’t worth the pity, even fake words of pity. He drove her off the edge. He could have just picked up a gun and shot her himself; it would have been over with faster.

    But I forced myself through the doors of the funeral home. In the other room there was a family morning the loss of their father, who died of cancer. The fact that she died of her own accord, and people like that man died with no choice, embarrassed me a little. This man had no option, he lived a tough last few years. He probably wasn’t able to do the things he wished he could and she took her life, with all its strength and abilities.

    I walked into the room where her body lay. The casket was being shut slowly, relatives gathered around, dabbing at their eyes. A few of her class mates came over to say their goodbyes. Her best friend Maria sat in the corner, her face portraying no emotion. I went over to sit with her.

    Neither of us said a word. We just sat in the corner. I saw her father look at me, fury irrupted on his face as his dark eyes made eye contact with mine. He started towards me. I grabbed Maria’s hand and squeezed it, got up and walked a couple steps towards the man who was basically her murderer. I expected him to make some sort of remark like; You killed her, or lets take this outside.

    But he put out his hand to me, “Son, I wish you were to forgive me. I have done some stupid things in the past, and I want you to come back home.”

    I shook my head, “No Dad, not this time,” that was it, I turned around and walked out of the building, I walked away from him, my flesh and blood. I wasn’t going to end up like her. No, not this time.