- I woke up in bed as usual, only I don't remember going home. I got out of bed and snuck past my pastout mother. I walked outside silently closing the big wooden door in the front of our huge white house. I walked down the street while putting on my headphones and pluging them into my ipod nano. I waved to a couple of neighbors, but they had no response to me as usual. I later walked past the school I was supposed to be in right now. 6 absences. I walked past laughing a little. I continued walking until I got to the drugstore. I walked in a grabbed a 2 liter soda. I walked up to the cash-register, but the soda wasn't in my hands. I looked back and the soda sure enough was in there untouched. I looked really hard until I noticed the dust I wiped off was still there. Maybe I'd imagined getting it? I walked out, and I heard a gunshot inside. Screaming people running out too. I looked in and a guy with a 45. magnum had shot the man behind the counter, Mr. Benny. He was stuffing money into a bag, the man I mean. I ran inside and jumped on him, beating him senseless. I heard money being shuffled into a bag. I looked back and saw the man stealing more money. I looked back under me, and he was gone. I ran out and kicked the window. But as soon as it shadered, it was there again. I ran back to the school. Everytime I grabbed somebody or talked to them, time just rewound itself to right before I made contact. Everybody ignored me. I remember last night now. And I felt sick to my stomach. I was walking down howard avenue and Slipped off the road fell off the hill where the street is. I landed in thick mud, and I had trouble getting up, but eventually I did, and I fell into another mess. I had tumbled backwards, and off a cliff. It was at least 6 stories high, from the muddy, slippery top to the sharp, rock-infested bottom. But I dogded the rocks somehow, and hit the ground aimlessly. I was a ghost, I was dead.
- by Legend of a dark hero |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 05/12/2009 |
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- Title: The fallen part.1
- Artist: Legend of a dark hero
- Description: A story I wrote about a guy who realizes he's dead.
- Date: 05/12/2009
- Tags: death invisible hokashproductions
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Comments (4 Comments)
- The Angel Dystopia - 03/13/2010
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im sorry if that was harsh but please slow down! dont just get to the point! add such vivid words that you heart will be faster and if you say the words aloud they will dance across you mouth!
Good Luck ;D - Report As Spam
- The Angel Dystopia - 03/13/2010
- its moves tooo fast!!! you gotta slow down and let the readers feel the emotion.... it was like eating air... tastless! now it has a good outline but you really gotta add detail. If u wake up and ur dead you would most likey see things with more detail!!!! now slow it down and let the reader come to u!!
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- SweetNaughtyness - 12/02/2009
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I was writing a story about a kid who skiped school and later found out that the world around him was passing away and he was the only one left.
later though the kid realizes that he is the only one on Earth, and the gods chose him to rule because of his outspokeness. But I only got to the middle and didn't finish. I hope you could take the story out of my hands and write it for me. - Report As Spam
- Legend of a dark hero - 05/12/2009
- Part 2 coming sometime soon hopefully
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