• Her


    She looked up, and reached towards me with one weak hand. The other was still curled around her bruised stomach. Her breathing came in feeble gasps. I grabbed her hand gently.

    “Lie to me,” she whispered, like a dying wind with no strength left.

    “I hate you,” I replied. She gave me a small, sad smile and let go of my hand. She closed her eyes and lay limply, breathing her last breaths.

    “I forgive you…” I barely heard it. Her voice was so tiny, and it was just like the breeze was speaking to me.

    Then, she was gone. The lifeless body of a bruised, but still beautiful, woman lay before me, no longer the Erin I once knew. Now, all she had become was a shell.

    I couldn’t bring myself to move her outside. All of my will was put into cradling her body like I would a child’s. It was enough for me. The suffocating silence went on uninterrupted, while Erin’s last words bounced around my skull. I forgive you…

    I had no right to be forgiven. I had done wrong, and I had let Erin down. I was the reason she lay dead in my lap. I was the reason she had bruises all up her skin, like blotches of ink. I was the reason for her limp, lanky hair, her overused, dirty clothes and her deep brown skin.

    I had killed Erin.

    Even indirectly, I had done it. I couldn’t put anyone but myself to blame for this. I had done it. This little revelation sent tears running down my face. I sobbed into Erin’s warm neck, my tears soaking into her clothes and running down the skin to splatter on the floor.

    This is how they found me. Weeping over her body on the ground. They pulled me to a standing position, and they took her away. I whimpered and yelled for them to bring her back, but they wouldn’t. Nobody was even listening to me.

    Then they put me into a car and took me to the hospital. It was all white inside, and patients padded around in normal clothes. I was confused; shouldn’t they be wearing hospital gowns? But I was still mourning Erin, and crying took away my concentration.

    We walked into an empty white room. Inside was a bed, a desk and a set of drawers. They sat me on the bed and walked out of the room to talk with a doctor, shutting the door behind them. After about an hour, or so I thought, I went to the door and tried to open it.

    It was locked. I pulled and pulled at the white handle, to no avail. I screamed and banged on the little glass window in the door. Nobody answered. I banged a little more and then slid down to a sitting position, my head in my hands. My mind drifted away, into a bright green field. Erin stood before me. I realized where I was. This was the day that had started it all.

    “The way you look at me; it makes me think that you are happy, that everything is good and perfect, that nothing can ever go wrong. All of it makes me feel horrible and guilty for letting it go this far.

    “This is stopping,” came her firm voice. Tears welled in my eyes. “now.”

    I shook my head, not yet ready to say goodbye to her. She grabbed my hand gently, placing a soft, brushing kiss on my knuckles.

    “No.” I whispered, closing my eyes as the tears flowed silently down my cheeks.

    “I’m sorry, Brietta.” The wind spoke quietly, ruffling through the leaves. My hand felt empty and light, and it stung me.

    I fell to my knees, my head in my hands, as my tears splattered on the already wet ground.

    Once my tears had run dry, I stared blankly at the green expanse before me. I was oblivious to my surroundings, finding no comfort in them. I retreated into my mind, closing the doors on the pain. It would eventually break through, but I needed to protect myself for now with what little effort I had.

    I jolted awake. Blinking in the harsh light, I glanced around me. I frowned. I was in a white room. I was sitting against a door, and I could feel the tickle as small tears ran down my skin. I stood up slowly. My mind had cleared, and the full reality of it came rushing back to me.

    Erin, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. The little kisses, the shared secrets, the warm nights spent just being held in her arms. The way she flicked her hair, the way she blinked, the way she spoke so gently.

    Then, the bruises, the pale skin, the bags under her eyes. Her raspy breathing, her mottled skin, her cold touch. The pain of her leaving me, the happiness of her coming back, the grief of her death. I sighed. I wouldn’t cry now, not after what had happened. I had come right around to the truth, but I had been prepared for it. But I couldn’t remember anything after she had come back to me except my happiness, or before she had died in my arms. My mind was a blank at that time.

    I went over to the small desk and sat in the chair. I put my elbows on the desk and crossed my arms, leaning my head down over them. My eyes kept looking away from my hands. I heard footsteps and a beeping sound outside my door. There was the clicking of it opening, and more footsteps. I felt a hand touch my arm, and I brought my eyes up to meet theirs.

    “Brietta? How are you doing, honey? I’m Doctor Ryder.” Her voice was soft, almost like Erin’s. As I was reminded of my dead girlfriend, my eyes feel away from the woman’s face. She let out a breath and kneeled down next to me, her gentle blue eyes looking at me.

    “I know you don’t want to talk to me, but I want to know what happened. If you’d like, your friend is outside. Lucy. I’ll send her in for you.” The doctor muttered quietly, before standing up and walking back out the way she came. A few minutes later, a girl with brown hair and green eyes walked in. She walked straight up to my side and wrapped her arms around me.

    “Hey, Brie. Come on, girl. You have to be tough. Don’t let it get to you. Just talk to the nice doctor and then you can leave.” Her voice was muffled as her mouth was pressed in the tangle of my blonde hair. I closed my eyes and returned her embrace.

    “I don’t know what happened, Luce. I-I can’t remember. I remember before that, meeting her and being with her, and then after whatever happened. All I know is that I was there when she died. I…” I hesitated, wondering whether I should tell her the rest. She moved away and looked at me, her eyes urging me on.

    “What is it, Brie? You know you can tell me anything. I’m your best friend.” She murmured. I nodded. I bit the side of my lip and looked down, at my feet.

    “I think I killed her, Lucy.”